Faces in the halls

Towards A Caffeine Addiction Methinks?

2009-09-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hey you guys, I know, it's been ages since I've posted anything up on this online diary of mine and the halls kinda seem abandoned for awhile huh? I mean, twists and turns wise, you know, it's like when you travel through the halls these days, you wonder if you're getting close to your graduation at all and even if you were, did it turn out the way you wanted it to be in the first place huh?

Think is, that's life and we don't know where that road takes us and which cross roads we will come across and in the end of the day, when you look back, you'll come to realize that the journey you make is entirely yours. The decision you make, it's yours and you decide what's right and what's easy,

I'm on a hyper ventilated coffee rush as of the moments and I'm going crazy as it is, the wife sleeping and snoring comfortably on one side of the bed. It isn't insomnia that's kicking in, it's the caffeine and it's due to the fact that I wanted to keep myself awake for her. And I let myself let her take a snooze for a couple of hours but once the slumber set's in, you know there's a tough journey wanting to get her out of bed not cranky. And I myself am just a tad bit exhausted, having went through a load of laundry in time for her to wake up.

How's things in my other form of life? Army wise, I'm close to my first anniversary! Yay! It'll be about next week when I become a 1 year soldier and have only one more year to go... jeez. There's nothing like something like that to jet set your life to a screeching halt and grab you by the neck and say, "HOLD UP SOLDIER! YOU AIN'T EVEN CLOSE TO BECOMING DONE FOR YOUR SERVICE! NOW KNOCK IT DOWN AND GIVE ME TWENTY DIAMONDS!"

It came to that a few times in camp and there were worst days. Like these days when they make you feel like an object, an unnecessary pawn they have no idea where to place so they shelve it in a safe corner as he watches all the action go by for the rest of his pawn mates.
You rot when you're in that state, and when it does, each day just seems a waste in your service and seeing that one unit that I so badly yearn to be a part with, it depresses me.

I come to wonder whether I'm gonna get anything right.

I really hope it just gets something right, anything. I'm tired of shenanigans that get me to nowhere.
Sigh.

Just one more year, and I'm gonna move forward.
One more year.

Transitions And Frames Of Life

2009-08-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

So... It has been quite sometime since I updated huh?

Well, it has been quite eventful. Very eventful actually, ever since I got married and moved on, the past one month into my 20th birthday has been, difficult, not to say hard for me to cope but... you know, eventful.

First things for the start, I just moved out of my Jurong East home, a home I called since I was thirteen and now, I've finally actually left it. I used to call it home and every time I'm in Jurong East, it has always been a familiar place but now, it isn't that place anymore for me. Jurong East has appeared to be another space that I can't quite comprehend if that is the right way to write this sentence.

It still gets to me... It does. I mean, I just, I don't know. Who would have thought that me being thrown out of my own due to defiance would be a chapter in my life.

But I'll get along. There's always home somewhere.

I didn't get into the Silent Precision Drill Squad (SPDS). Bummer. I mean, I figured that I was going to be doing drills and ceremonies for the rest of my NS life but after being kicked out of the squad, not say kicked out but not selected, things just doesn't come into that much perspective. I always thought that doing drills would be bring meaning to my time in my service instead of just doing some clerical work in some office but if that's what i have to end up doing, I'll just find things to make my time much more worthwhile other than just finding meaning in my menial service for the army.

And I'm losing touch with some of my friends. One friend in particular and truth be told, I'm awfully worried.

But the way I see things, all this is a baptism of fire for me where I'll emerge shining amidst all the stress and pressure of what's my life come to be. There's two things that cannot happen to me in this chapter.

1. I cannot break.
2. I cannot let that fire in me die out just because things have just come down for the worst.

These are the two things that make me whole as a person and the very reason why I can always get by every single day.

Every single day.

Things just have to get better from here on. It just has to and if it doesn't, it just means that it hasn't come full circle before things start picking up again.

He woke up this morning and he wonders how he does it every single day.

Busted!

2009-07-31T20:10:00.000-07:00

To all you cheating men out there. Tsk!

East Asian Revolution

2009-06-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like rocking out with pride and proud to be South East Asian.

Sometimes, Is It Really Worth The Effort?

2009-05-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

It just occured to me, why do so many people take up so much effort in their lives at times and then do certain actions in their lives that make no sense at all.

One, that is, why would people (well, couples, mostly) spend so much money and time and effort to one day officiate their love for each other, have a huge wedding that costs more than any house in Singapore and then, somewhere down the road, they throw all of that away when they are unhappy with each other and then divorce.

I mean, look at it at a lowly middle class dreamer watching celebrities spend ten times you earn on one day and night and one honeymoon and then a few months or years later, just separate from each other as if all that money and effort spent day and night was nothing at all.

I'm not condoning the efforts that newly weds make or the one effort that I will be making. It's just that, the actions of what people have done made me wonder if all their effort was really worth it.

And how about education?

You spend so much money and effort to achieve your dreams and then somewhere along that line, that dreams must be dashed because the life you live in can't afford that dream and you take the time to re consider and do something else so that you children could have dinner tonight. Tragic as it is but true. It happens and it would probably happen in this fast and rapid changing world.

So sometimes, ask yourself, for yourself, is it really worth the effort?

The principal announced that as of this moment, you live in a world of what if's and could haves and when you graduate, he announces that the world you will live will be the world of it's probably going to happen as much as you deny it. Then the principal said good day and told everyone to get back to class. I stood at that empty hallway without a hall pass and the doors stood agape right in front of me. Class didn't seem to be worth the effort.

But I went anyway.

SPDS ah!

2009-03-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

Ha HA!

I've finally graduated and passed out as a Silent Precision Drill trained soldier. And can you believe it! Never have I thought that I will be receiving a badge during my National Service Term!

I mean, only specialist and officers and commandos and guardsmen go through one hell of a course to get badges but who in the world thought I'd actually earn a badge and that I'd actually survived the toughest course to go through in MP Command!

(Information about the course shall be disclosed and not mentioned in this blog due to it's sensitivity and the fact that if I blog down too much, I'd be in soooo much trouble.)

Anyway! Yup!

Your's truly will be performing in this year's National Day Parade twirling rifles in the air and you, my friend, will be awed!

Spin Rifle! Saturn Exchange! Hello Panda!

ha HA!

Rifle Butt To The Head

2009-03-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

I got hit in the face by my M4 rifle the other day.

It hurt. It still does a bit.

Now I can't wink with my right eye. Not that well anyway.

It is not a good thing when your face gets hit with a rifle butt.

More Muscle Aches!

2009-03-05T03:23:00.000-08:00

Another day of training.

Another day filled with mostly physical pain.

Another day waiting for a turn at the computer.

Another day, another dollar I guess.

But today, I can't really get a massage so I'll just settle to soothing my pain on print and honest to blog.

Ouch... My aching shoulders.

Muscle Aches On The Inside And Out

2009-03-03T04:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers! (if there is any...)

Apologies for the inconsistent updates on the blog of yours truly so here's a brief update on what the hell is going in my life (on a lighter note, maybe this blog post is really for me but I don't know)

Read on, since you're that into my life in the first place.

For the time being, I'm currently part of the Silent Precision Drill Squad, a sort of disciplined performance group in the SAF and apparently, I'm lined up to participate for The National Day Parade so boy do I have a lot lined up for me for these coming months. I'm currently taking up the course that would qualify me in the squad so that's that. It's so tiring! My muscles are growing AND aching at the same time so let's just hope that the buff me won't scare the kids away.

Also currently taking up the marriage course in Inspirasi, which goes co-currently with my training in the army so yeah, I've got quite a lot on my plate for the moment. phew~

And yeah. the wedding is definitely on. This boy is getting married sometime after march, around Mid to End of April but definitely sometime this coming month.

I suppose I should sound extra excited of the upcoming event of my life and truth be told, I am, it's amazing that I'm actually embarking on this journey and I am fortunate enough that I found the love of my life.

Life just appears to be a little scary for awhile and sometimes, I'm not sure if I'm ready to face it. I know I can but whether I'm really ready or not. I don't know.

I just think too much and I get so stressed up over that, that I just. It's affecting the people closest to me and that scares me.

I'm afraid of losing the people closest to me, having lost the kin that was supposed to be there already. My family is angry at me over my angry email and I'm, I'm just here having to face the future that is mine.

Zahid needs better English on his blog. He's losing it!

I need to soothe the ache I guess cause I need to be strong and ready for what's to come.

But most importantly, I need to be me. There's no different person other than me that can take that place beside the throne of my queen.

The graduates of Crush High ran past us and left a corridor of Diplomas and Dreams that pave our way to the future that is ours. I grasp her hand and told her I'm ready and I smiled. She didn't really grasp back.

My Father Dies Today.

2009-02-24T06:19:00.000-08:00

My Father has passed on today, on the 24th February 2009.
He is still alive, just dead to me as of this moment.

I am Megah Laksana, Son of Nora Nilawati Soejono.

And perhaps, I've finally moved on from this moment on.

Go on with your lives now as I go on with mine.

I'll see you sometime in the year of Two Thousand and Nine.

Happy New Year

2009-01-06T04:03:00.001-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!
(OKAY, SO ITS A BIT TOO LATE BUT EVERYBODY'S A BIT TOO LATE SO WHAT THE HELL...)

Thank You

2008-12-14T04:32:00.000-08:00

Thanks Vic.

The world seem clearer now.

The School Isn't Dead, The Principal's Just Gone Millitary

2008-12-06T00:36:00.000-08:00

God I missed so many things... And just so you know, I am certainly not dead as the hair that is stuffed at the corner of my house in a Starbucks bag (okay, you didn't need to know that) point is, I miss so many things out there that I miss out just because I serve too many a portion of my time in the Military.

And believe me, I'm not so much into the Military. I'm just doing what I need to do before I get my life back on track. And believe me, I could get this blog up and running again but my dad's stop paying the bills and my lappy is totaled so for the time being, I'm just skimping off people's laptops and doing stuff for my own sake on their turf so that I can let you guys know that there is a reason to visit my blog once in awhile.

Just so you know, I have done Military Training. And the only information that I can disclosed on the internet is that, It just Basic. That's all you need to know from here folks. Anything else, just talk to me personally and call me up. Sure there's a reason for you to call your favorite Afro Buddy once in a while (okay, now its Bald Buddy but you get the point).

How has things been in my life? Mm... Nothing's changed that much really. I'm still broke at moments in the month (and hating that feeling). Still try my best to hang with my best friends (Zahid I will find the time during my leave to spend time with you whether you like it or not because Buddy I FREAKING MISS YOU!). I'll be finishing my initial Military training in like next week and begin my other national service stuff subsequently so the way I see it, these two years are going to pass by real quickly and before I know it, I'd be out and I'll be a free man again (or free boy according to the love of my life.)

And things with the love of my life? It's been a year can you believe it? One year. And I have to say, the happiest year of my life really and its been a real adventure. Really. Thinking back about it, the shenanigans that we get ourselves into and the trouble and the times we stick together.

She really is the one I'm going to marry. She's the one I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.
And it's going to happen this December. Some story huh?

I miss my hair. I miss my mom. I especially miss her, depresses me that I haven't seen her in more than six months.

But I get on with and one day, she'll see me again. Me and my sister.

And she'll see how life has been for me in Singapore.

Yeah... that's me. The boy in that little tiny island. And my story thus far.

So till the next opportune moment. Just don't catch me dead.

Last Day On A Chapter At Starbucks

2008-08-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

Today marks the last day I work in Starbucks.

That is. For awhile before I go back after serving 2 years of National Service.

Thank you Starbucks. Thank you Partners.

Thank you for the experience.

I am always CP's POS King!

Looking beyond the object and it splits into two to make way a clearer sight

2008-08-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

WHAT IN THE WORLD JUST HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND!

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ABOUT WHO or WHAT or WHY?

JUST...

WHAT IN THE WORLD JUST HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND!

Seizing The Right Moment

2008-08-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

I just got back from an exhausting night of the night shift and honestly speaking, plonking in front of the net isn't really helping me in any way at all, but I guess updating a little something on the bloggers isn't gonna hurt.

Sigh.

I feel... bleh... and its the same feeling that hits me when I don't get things quickly enough and when I do, it feels like its too late.
You know that feeling? I don't know because I don't know you or you wouldn't know me well enough (not directed to anyone close or personal, just being on a general level to whoever reads this)

I guess I really need to pick things up more quickly, be more receptive. More responsive.

I need to find my happy back and isn't the Micheal happy but the happy I used to have and enjoy spreading around because I know things can be okay.

I need my happy back and pin it on my top wherever I am. In love, In life, In silent whispers of the night.

I pinned my happy and made sure it stuck there till it got rusty. It got rusty so polishing it would only mean more silver in pockets. My happy is a silver shiny happy that gleams like a laser through the bend of time and reality,

I like my happy. I hope you feel the same way too.

Distorted Fragments Foresights Of A Vision

2008-08-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Wow.

That's all I have to say when I take a step back and look beyond what has happened and what is most probably going to happen.

About me ever going to be okay. Probably. I don't know.

And I'm tired and no matter how much I distract myself or go far away and try to breathe, my mind distorts and the pieces that worry fragment and dis contort within itself making the path ahead of me so shaky and ever so scary.

But I have her by my side and I know that the Man Upstairs has laid down the delicate intricateness of my life and it all hang in the balance of the actions that I take my self upon thus far.

And honestly speaking. I am ever so very afraid. I am so afraid and I feel so small at times.

I miss and push too many people away from me, and I fear, still fear of losing the one I hold the dearest and I am ever so tired.

So tired and worried.

I worry too much but I know for sure of what I want and of what I need.

You.

Birthday Suits and Vomit.

2008-06-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

First and for most to my religious readers of Faces In The Halls, I have to apologize for not updating you guys about the going ons on my really interesting life and I do know that you fans out there are just humbly anticipating my experience on my birthday, so apologies for being a week late or so, so I'll let you know on the low down on what has happpened so far.

First up, was privileged enough to get three days of so I was able to spend time whomever I wanted to and surprise,. surprise, I decided to spend it with my one and only. Truth be told, I seem to have found so much comfort in her house, like there's a warmth that is absent in my own house so it was nice to feel that feeling again. Sad huh? That I feel more at home at other people's places but not in my own house. Ah well~

Anyway, I end up spending time with Wahidah and Qadirah and Hidayat, and one way or another, we found ourselves playing monopoly again. I believe I'm getting addicted to that game, seeing that I have not played that in a while. In a really long while really. Ahahahaha. And Wahidah's mom was nice enough to wish me a pre-birthday wish and I got a cake on that day so it was really nice.

I thank her and her family for being so wishful (I guess that's the word) on my birthday.

Then on my birthday, I got a real treat from my one and only. I dressed myself up all prim and proper because she decided to take me to Fish and Co. for dinner and my, that was a wonderful dinner I'd have to say because the panned cook seafood with the rice and the mm.... I'm drooling myself right now and I can't wait to have another meal there one day. Mm...~

And then I puked on the way back home. I guess a little over indulgence such as that has its toll but I know what to avoid right now, everytime I eat at that place. Still, good is good and fair is fair and I love every minute of my birthday evening. No loving kisses cause I smell and slather of puke but what the hell. oh! and I had a surprise visit from Ayuni which was such a blessing. It was really nice to see her again and she got me two really awesome gifts. I'm a sucker for gifts because you know, I never really receive that much trinkets that I can keep close to my heart but what the heck, I got four awesome gifts and that's that for my end.

Certain people couldn't care less but hey, you know, what the heck. I got by it and its okay.

It was awesome. All I have to do now is to look forward to turning a certain age where 2 begins as the first digit. My, my... I can't believe its been that long.

He puked on the train, repelling three people simulatneously and on his best suit too. Those were his moments that began his 19th year.

Tired

2008-06-16T12:43:00.000-07:00

There isn't anything else that I want to say anymore.

I have nothing to say anymore like some people I live with and I'm on the verge of giving up as of right now.

And I am tired. Really, Really tired.

I don't want to give up but I just can't find the energy to go on anymore.

And if you want to get out of my life then fine.

One day. You won't find me anywhere anymore and you'll never ever see me ever again.

Since you have nothing to say to me anymore then I might as well disappear and you and your good buddy Cik Mimi and everybody else wouldn't have to bother about me anymore because I can live my life on my own and I can make my own family somewhere because you wouldn't open up to me.

And fuck you about me treating this family like shit since you came back from China. You guys deserve the shit I'm giving you because I've had enough of the shit you give my family.

Don't tell me I wasted my life because shitty people who treat their families really shitty would not encourage and support one another in what ever trouble they have gone through.

Don't tell me I wasted anything because I didn't. I don't have to prove anything to you.

I'm tired. I'm pissed.

I'm really tired really. So tired.

I just wish my aunt would go to hell and my would be here instead of her. My aunt could just rot with her kidney failure and die painfully for all I care.

Statistic Time Flying and the blah the blah the blah...

2008-06-08T07:08:00.000-07:00

Wooo~

Alright... I've over at my best friends house catching up with him and having one of his nieces scream in my ear because she's too freaked out of my hair and he decides to give me some hang time on the net and it's been too long since I blogged so here's an update on what's been going on the fun fantasy ride that is M. Laksana (my best friend is having too much on the mac... and my girlfriend thinks I'm such a goof)

Anyway! I've been working, slaving over customers with coffee, frappuccinos and foodstuff just so they are satisfied with their money's worth of satisfaction with a smile and I have to say, I am a bit tired.
In addition to work, I'd have to look forward to rehearsals and stuff and I have not touched my script yet so I am a bit tad concerned but on the overall, I look forward to the pay that I will receive next month.

And me and Wahidah has gone through our 6th month in our relationship and i have to say, I am the luckiest and happiest guy with her. I love her so much and even though we didn't anything of great significance, just being in her company is the best feeling ever.

Richard from friends once said "Go get her Chandler, and never let her go." And I won't. (And not in the obsessive boyfriend way.) I'm so glad that she's I've made her the happiest that she's been.

I have a show in September and I have a few events planned out. Like a class reunion, the shaving of my head, my birthday, the What Is Your Favorite Color event at Baybeats, My birthday... Did I mention MY BIRTHDAY???

ahahahahaha!

I miss so many people. I miss my mum. I miss my sister as well. We seem to be in different time zones these days.

I don't want to miss my aunt. I hope she leaves... That's all. At least I know I'll be leaving soon. Mm...

Ah well...

I can't wait to visit a few more personalities in the coming week and I look forward to catch up with them. :)
ahahahaha~

I smiled at the little girl. And she screamed.

Compaq Corrupt and It's been 10 days since I updated

2008-05-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

Oh Ya!

My computer is on corrupt so I need to send it for repair.
I just fear losing everything I have on that computer... AIYAAAA!

And it's been 10 days since I updated... Man... What an emotional 10 day week... (Hah?)

Emotional Rollercoaster

2008-05-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

Phew!

That's what I've got to say. Not that what' I've been through has been such a chore and wreck. In fact, it has been quite a learning experience for me, and I found something back from which I lost from before.

You know how sometimes you seem to have lost something that fuels your passion and drive? Well, that flames has been on an all time low for the past few weeks until my girlfriend showed me that life expects a little bit more than just enough because just enough isn't enough get things done.

And I need to do a whole lot more to achieve what I need to achieve. And to patch up stuff with what I have at home, I have to try a whole lot harder. But I jsut hope that they aren't the only ones that are making that effort. Because its going to be pointless if I'm the only one doing something. I just hope my cousins could help me out.

I'm glad I could win back the heart of my girlfriend. We've been through a bit rough patches, but we always manage to pull through. Well... at least I fight for us to always pull through and she does the same as well in this relationship.

I can't wait for my cousins to come down and I can't wait to start my new job at Starbucks! I've learned of so many things at the Starbucks course and all of us are so easy to click with each other.

Believe or not, Starbucks is out to conquer the world to bring people together, one cup at a time.

Behind every government is a Starbucks.

A Marvel Flick and What's to Come as Pages Turns To Reels

2008-05-19T02:07:00.000-07:00

Ah~

I finally watched a movies after an absence from the cinema for over a million years (an exaggeration) and I decided to catch and witness for myself the hype that was meant to be 'The' Movie of 2008.

I'd have to disagree... Ironman isn't really what'd I call 'The' Movie but I have to say its a milestone for Marvel as they do get better and better with the characters that they put on screen.

Upcomings like "The Incredible Hulk" promises to be a much better version that the other attempted flick having casted the more suitable Edward Norton and I just hope that the Marvel flicks promises to be much better than everything else that has been shown before.

I was suppose to catch this with my girlfriend, but instincts tells us that we don't want to end up back in square one with our current situation that affects external parties so I'd have to say to her, it's okay. We'll catch other movies and we will go on our other memorable cinematic adventures where we'll have our shushes and mini arguments over the snacks that I had to buy before the movie starts.

Still waiting for that call, (I just had a call on my home phone and I prayed a mini prayer it was Starbucks but when I picked up, it hanged up... aaargh~)

Ah well... I had my mini inspirations in my head and I'm going to write now.

And I'll look forward to what's to come.

The chitter chatter of the mother behind me made me wish I had a pistol that I could shoot at either her or myself. She then spilled her drink.

Starbucks!

2008-05-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo!

I've got a job at Starbucks! I think... Interview's tomorrow and I'm just ready to work my ass off and earn some bucks to pass the time... you know what i mean?

So yeah... I've got something to do...

Still don't feel at home... Aunt has an evil pig smirk and sister just constantly ignores me.... Doesn't bother me... I'll find a step to make things better that I believe is right...

We'll all be alright... I hope...

Doesn't matter... It burns... but it doesn't matter...

The smell of coffee waft as he hands in his application. It's a dedication to a home that just seem too silent. His cheeks are stained with enough tears as it is.

Screw Up

2008-05-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

I messed up... Big Time...

The way I said stuff and the stuff I screw up at... I hurt people I never wanted to hurt in my life...

And I screwed that up...

i just wish I could take it all back to change things... Change things to the way they were...

I screwed up... Big time...

She wouldn't face me in the halls... she ran off going to the girls toilet instead and I banged my head on the locker all afternoon till my forehead run red.

Same Frequency, Different Day.

2008-05-10T04:46:00.000-07:00

So yeah,

It's a Saturday and nothing's changed so far in the household. Aunt is acting as if I'm not here at all. She's not talking to me unless she wants to spite me and my sister has barely peeped at me even though I'm at home all day.

And she tells me I'm not here.

Ah well, that's alright because I've got other company to make my day and amuse me with life before I realize I'm at the deep end of depression. Doesn't matter.

I have a reason to stay happy. I don't know what it is. Let it be good movies, greater friends or just the simple things in life. Doesn't matter.

Anyway, doesn't matter cause I still can get in and out of the house no matter how many times they try to lock me out. And I've got so much more to look forward to.

And I still don't know if I want to spend time with my dad. I might. I might not. I don't know.

Same frequency, different day. That's how it is here in Singapore.

I guess this is how my sister feels when no one is really speaking to her huh? I have a hunch that my evil kidney failing aunt has got to do with this conspiracy. She might deny it, but she's a liar of a dyke anyway. All I hope is that she rots and dies with all her lies. Ahahahahahahaha.... god I sound so evil with contempt.

Life has gone in on the same frequency and all that fills me up is rice and eggs. Can't cook it cause an evil aunt is stuffing her face in the kitchen.

A Theatre Crash

2008-05-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

Phew... We now resume to our daily regulated channels where I find myself in situations in which I cannot believe.

Yeah, so just so you know, on my continuation of my confrontations in the house, I decided to let loose and just get out of the house. My dad called and gave me some comfort, I have to say and gave me an option to come see him over the long holiday before I go into the army and I'm thinking, maybe I should take that trip. It would do me good.

Anyway, I got a call from Victoria and she told me of the class chalet from my ex-class and over all the bullshit that I have to go through, I decided that amending wrongs from some other people is something I could do over my conscience.

So I apologized to the whole Technical Theatre Level 1 for being an asshole for pulling out and that I hope they would forgive me for the wrongs that I've done to them. I apologize again if any of you are reading this.

And so, I stood by and spent the night with the Technical Mates. I saw some irony, some nice memories that I've probably made with some of the people. There were stories of national service, of old ghost and disturbing transsexuals. Ahahaha... Its hilarious what commandos do the residents and hawks of Changi Village.

I stayed overnight, and when I got home, the door was locked, as usual and I end up having to use another route which shall not be mentioned just in case anyone decides to burgle my house and find out about that risky route.

On another note, I did the unthinkable and crashed my girlfriends opening CCA welcome party and I pretended to be a Singapore Polytechnic student. Ahahahaha.... feels good you know to act as if I'm a student. It's hilarious and I might kick in for one more session and that drop the bomb at them and tell them that I don't even go to that school. But still, my girlfriend has an interest in theatre and it would be interesting to see how she develop as an actress herself.

And a shout out to her, I want to thank her for holding me when I needed someone and being that pillar for me. She is the one that tells me that everything is going to be okay and I'm in a roller coaster ride with her where we get away with things and no one ever seem to find out what. And even if they did, they don't have any evidence to stick and leaves us with nothing but false accusations.

I Love You. (To her and everyone else who supports me)

I Love You.

To Alcohol, Crashes and Bashes with the stories that all Theatres hold true to their word. This is their prayer that the art we create is one that we pray will somehow free all of us one way or another.

Amen.

Careless People Not Allowed

2008-05-05T01:28:00.000-07:00

I just have to say that I've been very angry lately.

Inside.

I didn't snub anyone, you just gave up.

And if you don't want to care anymore, you can get the fuck out!

I don't care what my father says, I don't care what you say, GET THE FUCK OUT!

Labors Day!

2008-05-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

To You Laborers

You did a good job! I know I did to...

if I got a job...

ahahahahaha!

Yay!

Happy Labors Day!
(no one is suppose to wear white on this day, I wonder why...)

Sketches In The Corner of The Halls

2008-05-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is but its there.

Me and my significant other spent our 5th month together and we were confounded about what we were going to do together.

So we decided we'll just take the moment and I'll just go see her after she's done with her project with her friends.

We ended up making beautiful sketches for each other in a corner after munching on Old Chang Kee. I drew her one in her notebook, she drew one in mine and I was the best prize on her wheel of life.

I drew her angels and what's beyond that.

Oh, and I gave her a flower. A red flower. I think its a daisy. But it was nonetheless, a red flower.

This is the red flower I bought for her. Credits to her amazing photography skills. She's one of the best I've known because she makes things so much prettier.

We sat in the corner eating treats and drawing sketches of each other and whatever our imagination drives us into. Hers was a game, mine was made of Angels.

The Ben And Jerry Charity To Society

2008-04-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

I love Ben And Jerry's!

Ahahahahaha! And I especially love it when I they annually have a day where they give free ice cream cones to the masses of people who come flooding in for free ice cream and having not being able to spend money on ice cream, I just feel so glad to be able to eat free good ice cream.

And a funny thing happened while I was getting my Chocolate Temptation ( I almost had an orgasm placing my lips on that absolutely sinful chocolate, mind you.), the girl serving me suddenly came and said

"Hey! I remember you! You ordered the Belgium waffle thing *she remembered my order and I didn't* with that girl right?!"

And I said yeah, I was the exact same guy. And she asked me

"How are you and that girl?"

And I told her she's now my girlfriend and we high fived and then I left with my ice cream.

Hee... Sigh...

Forgotten and remembered memories like just reminds me on how happy I am right now and boy, it just tells me that all of it has been worth it. Really worth it in my life, and if I somehow drop dead, I say it'd be okay because I've got no regrets at all.

The Ice Cream girl remembered me from a distant memory and I told her I was the exact same person, except what come to pass in my life is worth its weight in gold and I've been happy. Much happier.

Kind Word From A Stranger

2008-04-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was walking from my auditions today, wondering if I should stay out from the house or should I return home to get some rest. I didn't know because at the same time, I was singing to myself some inaudible song I made up in my head.

You know how you look at people around you and you sometimes catch their eye. Sometimes when they do that, they smile and you return it, feeling good about yourself and for them (hence the expression, serving up smiles). It's either that or they give you a cold stare that projects "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU -insert profanity or desired swear word-?!" because you are probably having a better day at them (In Singapore, happy staring can sometimes get you killed if you stare for the unreadable wrong intentions).

And sometimes, they meet up with you and talk to you. I had that today.

It happened to me twice in fact, the first time I looked at someone, he told me he was studying genetics and after studying me for split seconds to great a magnitude to calculate, he told me that my heritage was of this region and that my ancestors were sea people of the South East Asian Peninsula, he was right. They were pirates, in fact.

Today, a man in a turban looked at me. I looked at him and I smiled, and he told me that I have a very lucky face. You can only imagine my confusion, skepticism and another expression I can't put my finger on rolled into one. He told me he was a professor studying horoscopes and reading stuff, so I guess his word could be credible. He says that June is a very lucky month for me and that the next five years is going to be the highlight of my life.

Should I believe him? Perhaps not because he is a total stranger, such as that geneticist, the could all be liars. But if a complete stranger who doesn't know you tells you your life behind you in concrete detail and tells you are going to be very lucky, you take his word for it.

There are people who try to make up for mistakes, deny them or give up on them, not realizing the hurt caused by the ones that look up to them. I was a victim of that and to have these strangers telling me these things, I'll take their word for it because they had the decency to at least give me comfort as battle my own demons and just move on in life.

Thank you good sir for telling me that today. Thank You.

As I walk past the stations, passing an endless sea of faces, each one with their own direction, a faces smiles for me and tells me I'm headed for the right direction.

Sleeping On The Roof With A Best Friend

2008-04-25T09:14:00.001-07:00

Ahahahahahaha!

I'm over at Zahid's place right now cause I have and audition tomorrow and I thought it'd be better that I just be at his place just because I need to be at Tanjong Pagar at 11.00 in the morning tomorrow.

I need to pull something out of my ass just so I can get through the audition without a hitch.

Problem is I don't know if I can do the show seeing that I'm going to be in the army soon. Sigh.

That's okay. I earned 50 dollars in around 10 minutes and Zahid keeps complaining about my blog and his blog because he keeps looking at mine.

Ah well. We were losers having a typing competition on MSN when we know the both of us are right next to each other. ahahahaha!

I just love messing with him. He's such a pal.

Ah well.

We slept on the roof smoking hash and spelling out love under the stars. We woke up the next day wondering where are clothes are and why there's a traffic jam in front of his house.

Med Check In The Morning

2008-04-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

I had my medical check up today and registration for enlistment and my word, that was one heck of an experience.

The medical records (in which details will be kept in confidentiality) are extensive and the procedures that has to be done are almost practically mind blowing.

And having to wake up early in the morning just to do that check up is exhausting and I can't believe I have the energy to somehow put up this blog post.

But I'm going to anyway because this is the first step where my life will change before I get to where I need to go.

I still feel the remnants of shittyness in me and reading my significant other's blog, I don't want her to feel all pent up, angry and depressed at the same time.

I guess she's right, we all need to get back on track in life. Well, the both of us anyway has to get on that bandwagon.

Still waiting for part time jobs and hoping to survive for the rest of the week, seeing that not a lot of people care anymore.

It's alright.

I stood by the gates of the army and breathed hard and long. It's time for me to grow up. How did it happen? How can I stop it? It just did and I can't stop it but something stayed on in my heart for as long as it could and it did.

Best Friends And Shoulders You Lean On

2008-04-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

There's been grill with me and my aunt at home.

And my sister's been too busy so I'll leave her to what she needs to do for her bright future ahead of her.

Dad's not at home (typical) and Mom's far away so I decided I didn't want to be at home cause my aunt said she couldn't care less so there.

Ain had a fabulous birthday surprise yesterday and I'm so happy to be a part of that. I took a step back and I looked at how her life is and I told myself, she deserved this. She had made such an impact on the friends around her and she couldn't ask more from all of this. It beats any MTV Sweet Sixteen and so what if she didn't get a fancy car or two or had a huge smashing party with people she didn't know.

MTV doesn't know what's she's missing. She truly had Sweet surprise and its all because of the impact that she had on all her friends and family. Happy 20th to Ain (Ain-stein) and I'm ever grateful that we've crossed paths so many years ago (three years ago in fact). To art, Mr. Faizal and asking random question in quest for new friends and older acquaintances, we're going to make it big one day and we'll be together for the ride. All of us (Zahid, Ayuni, Fifie and everyone else along our ride)

I'm over at Zahid's right now and I'm grateful for his support for having me over at 3.00am in the morning. He's the best, truly and we find ourselves wondering how we came to be together and how we really wouldn't be where we are right now if it wasn't for each other. Wow... ever since we went together for flag day on all the soccer matches, guitar attempts and boy talks about girls and the future. About how we're going to be the first ones to know that we're both going to be dads and how we don't know what the road ahead of us lay before.

And how he helped me put things into focus and perspectives and how he's there to agree and disagree about my sucky life. And how my sucky life helped him be grateful of his family and how fortunate he is.

And Ayuni, I want to shout out and thank her for putting up with me last week after my traumatic events of angry mothers and bewildered aunts over the things I've done. You were the shoulder and I understand that you have your own life to live but thank you for being there and I hope that I'll be able to return the favor again one day.

And Wahidah, you're the beacon of light at the end of my dark tunnel and your the other hand that holds up that torch along with my other friends. Aside from being my significant other, your ultimately also the greatest friends that any guy could ever have and you have created such a great big impact in my life, it left a crater in my heart that blooms beautiful flowers, alongside with the other craters created by my other closest friends where beautiful things grow.

Friends come and go but family stays with you forever? You guys are so much more like my family right now than my actual family and you guys will always be in my heart no matter what the future holds for us. You guys are the familiar faces in the halls that wave and said hi, I know that I'm not alone in the hall.

Friend do come and go but some stay with you forever, they become more than just friends. He's the brother I never had, Thank You Zahid (don't cry on me now, I'm close to tears now just so you know.)

I just hope the family around me don't estrange from me. I'm here, just so you know. okay?

We sneaked out and laid down under a blanket of stars. We're all at the crossroads of our destinies and we all knew that even though we're all from everywhere, we find ourselves at home with each other and we're all blessed to be with each other.

There's a hidden "We" in Friends Forever. Look hard enough and you'll find it.

Hate Notes In The Men's Cubicle

2008-04-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

Its been a brand new week.

It has been a brand new week and honestly speaking, I haven't changed my feeling for one little bit after the weight on my shoulders have been brought up from me after awhile.

I can't explain it but I feel so angry towards things that I can't explain.

I can say I've been pissed of by my dad for making me realize how ineffective he is at times. I must say I must have been angry at my aunt for doing such a terrible job in keeping an eye or at least raise me and my sister the "best" she can.

Or perhaps I've just been angry at myself for failing myself at certain points in my life.

Two questions pop out of my head when I ask this:

1. Was it my fault?

2. Have I been a fool to hold on to something for myself that I knew I could never really get back, and that everything is never going to be the same ever again. And I've been a fool for being so good to them, that I myself got nothing out of it.

I've been confused, empty, angry. I've been over analyzing things to make sense of it.

Was it me? Was it them?

I've been holding on to the exact words my girlfriend has been telling me and that everything is going to be alright. That we are going to be okay and I believe every word that she says.

All I know that nothing is ever going to be the same ever again.

And I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose so much with this knowledge and yet, when I try to hold on, all I see is myself not gaining anything and that I'm coming out of this weak and have nothing in my hands at the end of the day.

The only things I've got are my friends and from the looks of it, I could only count on them for this moment in time.

Thank You, and I'll return you what I can give back. I'll be there whenever you need me and I'll get back to you when I can.

A tear rolled down my eye in the cubicle and I scribbled on the wall "I hate you dad. You tell me if all this was worth it after all." It's so typical of you to give up on me, like you gave up my mother. I only hope that you're satisfied and happy and you could live with that for the rest of your life.

The Silly Boy has had a hard week (for his love for The Little Girl)

2008-04-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a long and hard week for The Silly Boy.

This Silly Boy knows enough sense to jeopardize the future for The Little Girl he loves.

This Silly Boy loves the Little Girl so much, he'd want the best for her and he'd want to share his best with her for the long paved road that the both of them will travel.

This Silly Boy wants to see the world and have a great adventure with The Little Girl, where silly mishaps and little adventures brighten up their lives ahead of them.

This Silly Boy loves The Little Girl, with his every living heartbeat.

(and if The Little Girl drops her purse into the deepest pit in hell, he'll gladly go to hell and back with her scorched wallet and the neoprints that she keeps in it)

Severed Ties That Bring The Black Woman Out Of Me

2008-04-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

I have finally severed all ties that brings me down and I've got to tell you, it feels great!

I have so much energy in me that I can't wait to bring back justice like a black girl. And I can't wait to start something new, something fresh. Something me!

I'm going to start somewhere based upon my influences and I'm ready to go crazy fresh for things to happens.

I'm gonna be ready for things to come and I hope to take you along with me on this journey.

I love you guys and I believe in all of you. And I just hope that every single one of you believe in me.

I went all black on them and they didn't know me.

White Rose

2008-04-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

My White Rose Bloomed Today...

Its Been Phenomenal

2008-04-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day.

I have to tell you, although I only had like only 3 hours of sleep because I was up watching Cartoon Network's Grim Adventures Of Billy And Mandy (don't ask why), it's one of those really exceptional days where you know nothing could go wrong.

I had breakfast with my beloved aunt who takes care of me and my sister when she's actually around and I had prata after a long time in the morning and it was heavenly. You know how you miss a certain flavor after a long time and you finally taste it again. I had that feeling yesterday and it was heavenly.

After which, I hit the beach to celebrate my 4th month with my dearest girlfriend and we had a blast! We lounged at the beach talking, joking, imaging the future, teasing, swimming and reliving childhood liberations that we couldn't do because our parents told us to behave ourselves. We still do behave ourselves and are constantly being told to behave ourselves so yeah.

And it was a good day walking around the island resort, although we aren't tourist and we don't have that much cash with us. It didn't matter. We had fun and that's what is most important of it all.

At the sunset, Wahidah did the sweetest thing that no one has ever done for me before and it all made sense all of a sudden. After she came back from her trip from Langkawi, I noticed she's been reading on how to learn sign language and I was suspicious with a dash of paranoia because I didn't understand the sudden interest in taking up sign language. And right there, at the sunsets as we witnessed it (it wasn't the best sunset because the clouds were in the way) and she signed language me two songs that meant so much about us. She also gave me a bouquet of flowers that signified us and even though she missed out on one flower, it was okay because that significance meant something to me that I truly wanted for the both of us. Ever lasting friendship, no matter what.

(I swear to god, the language of flowers part almost made me cry)

It was a good day. Sun, sand, Japanese food, Sky rides and trails with the tacky attractions really did make it wonderful.

Its been a phenomenal four months for me and Wahidah. And I thank her for being there for me through these hard months. I love you and thank you so much for being there for me.

And I need to call my mother, I haven't talked to her since last year and me missing her is a pang for me right now...

Clark Did Save The Day

2008-03-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

Wow...

The last few days have been hectic and I am so glad to finally have an off day for myself. Funny thing is that I was on the threshold of over exhaustiveness and stress which began exactly last week on the exact same day.

The stress that amount to it caused a bit of a bump with me and the girlfriend but I'm glad on how quickly we cleared it up. I guess its because the both of us realize how open our communication is to each other and we don't hold back on what's important to the both of us. I know we cannot be honest over everything but at least we don't hold back on the important things.

I missed out on a few important thing this week too. I missed out hanging with me best mate, I missed out hanging out with me best mate's ex-girlfriend (okay, that seemed weird but that's alright because she's a great friend to hang out with) and I miss hanging out with my sister. I have not seen over the week because she too has been gone for over the week and I only got to see her today.

So I woke up today at 3.00pm. I got home around 4 after a drink with the technical side of theatre and I stayed up just checking out on my online life. My last post that is suppose to notify my absence fucked up and I was too fucked up to even bother updating it so yeah... I've been gone a week where I was only trying to figure out how to light a stage on fire. The first time failed, the second time I was successful and the last time I did it, it was magnificent. It sparked me to learn a bit more about pyrotechnics.

(I got a threat where if I don't burn the stage, they'll burn my hair and I'd go to hell and back just to save my hair)

So yeah... Backstage Pass is the upcoming project before I sever all ties from Lasalle. I'll do that and then, I'd be on my way to wherever I need to be.

The girlfriend has been on a shopping spree and I want a shopping spree too but a shopping spree requires money and money only comes once a week for me unless I get income coming in. So yah! And girlfriend says that if she doesn't get what she needs to get she say she will dig into my pot of gold and use it to go to America and get a lawyer degree.

I need to either earn more money or just start dressing up like a hobo to show her how pathetically poor I am. No lah... Just kidding. I'll invest in something that would benefit both parties and I'm sure her mom wouldn't want me to support her entire college education (although I believe that deep inside her, she secretly wishes that some other source of money would support her daughter's college education... hmmm~)

Or we'll just see how the whole thing works out. Like her, I've got a clear path ahead of me after I pass my commitments so yeah, I'm ready for it.

And Clark in Sarajevo was such an awesome show. Thank you the cast and the crew for everything and the experience. I would like to audition and try myself again in Lasalle, this time, for an acting degree.

Clark realized he was bleeding from the chest. I was the evil eye who put an end to his misery for there is no such thing as a Superman, only men with money and a monopoly of tiny little soldier to whom their lives mean nothing but the balance between everything and nothing at all.

Clark In Sarajevo

2008-03-25T11:14:00.001-07:00

I won't be on an update for awhile due to the poster that you see before you up there.

All I can say is going out on birthday bash while setting up for this show is a bad idea and a worst constitution to one's being.

But I have to thank my girlfriend for being so supportive and understanding over what I'm going through the week. And I promise to kiss and make up for the week.

So breathe, heave and pull the rigging before sand trickle down on you hair and it becomes a bitch to wash it.

A Camera, EC and Intimacy

2008-03-21T05:59:00.000-07:00

Aah~

It's the long weekend but it isn't so much a long weekend for me though because I am in so much demand! Shit!

The video job just had to be like a week before I bump in and everything is crammed into the weekend, I got overbooked and Debbie from the SRT has been grilling me over FOH.
Seriously speaking, its like child labor over there because I paid good money for training and I don't know if they realize that.

Anyway, I managed to cover that on Thursday because an angel called Cara came down to my aid and I owe her like my career soul to her and I should be on her beck and call for one favor that she might need from me. What a pal!

I had a dinner with my girlfriend as soon as I was done with the first day of the shoot and we both got lost spacing out on a slab of concrete in the middle of a field, watching cars go by and waving goodbye for no apparent reason.

The places she brings me, the things that we do... We'll just come to think, where the hell did we get all that energy for and perhaps we do not want that privilege to see each other as much as we want to. The secrecy is such a turn on and it tingles my sense just experiencing it.

It's effort earned and I love every moment of it all.

Stoned, I kissed her goodbye and her face stuck on to my image as I wander off home.

Stranger Than Fiction

2008-03-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

Stranger Than Fiction is now showing on HBO and its up to you to look when the dates and days that they are showing off this movie.

But I have to say that after recent events, I guess I could say that this movie places things in perspectives and I find myself in a cornerstone of my life where I know I cannot go wrong unless I do something dumb like say, sell drugs on the street or start pimping girls at sixteen to give sexual pleasure to older men.

But aside the dumb things, I made a decision and a little fairy with a red balloon and a green umbrella told me that what's ahead is only bound to be better than where I was before.

So I could be what I want to be now and I'll be diligent for it. I saw Harold Crick as he lived his life knowing of his untimely and ultimate death. He lived and he willingly gave himself to death because he knew that his "untimely death" would be evermore significant to the world.

So to those out there who are unhappy and in despair. Watch the movie and take a turn for yourself, the road ahead is going to be scary soon after, not assured but I believe in you on every step in the way and I believe in you.

Thank you TA4A for what's its worth.

He stood by the gates watching the faces walk past him. He knew that he was not going to be a part of those halls anymore and Locker 21 stood empty, the door hanging on its hinges. He breathed. He breathed again and the air has never felt so clear.

Just A Few Things

2008-03-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

Okay...

Here's just a few things that's bothering me at this moment in time.

1. I'm on MTV for all the wrong reasons. I was in Fort Canning for INCUBUS! Fucking INCUBUS! Not bloody Saosin! So why show me at the Saosin segment god damn it! Aaargh! Malu you know!

2. I need to start writing and I'll be doing that tonight.

A. I miss my girlfriend and she hasn't called yet but I'm sure she's having and had a great holiday abroad.

So yah... I just can't let go of the MTV thing... Its not as flattering as you want it to be because I was there for Incubus. Anyhow, still feels great to be on television.

You have been afroed by MTV and it will not stop till I sprout out another one after the Army. And women will weep when the day comes I shave my head for the Army.

If they don't. I will.

Is There Anyone Out There For Me?

2008-03-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

That's it. I've made my decision based on two posts ago.

And honestly speaking, as confident as I appear to be as I make my decision. I'm frightened by the very decision that I've made ahead of me.

Because I expected things to go as they should have gone. But it didn't and I'm so afraid to what lay ahead of me.

This year was supposed to be a good year because last year was shitty enough as it is. And I'm so afraid of what lies ahead of me.

I'm afraid that I'll never make it, that I'll never get to where I want to eventually, that I'll never be able to make it because of reasons I can't explain.

Heck, nothing was suppose to go as you expected it to be. Least of the times anyway.

I'm just so afraid right now and I just want things to just stop or be done with right now.
I want my parents by my side for this because I need to be there for other people.

I need to be there for my sister. I need to be there for everyone who relies on me.
I need to be there for my responsibilities.

But is there anyone out there for me?

I asked Joe if everything is going to be okay. He told me he didn't know.

Incubus Love

2008-03-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

Wooohoooo!

-Ouch.

The Incubus Gig has been the highlight of my gig adventures and so far, so good for my string of this year's gigs. A good start in that retrospect. And I loved every minute of March 7th, 2008.

Anyways, the gig adventure started off with me cutting the extra class because I've been skipping classes anyway but aside from my problems, I managed to be in the queue by 11.30pm with lunch in hand and I have to say, base on the response by the queue, the people are not very hyped up for it, but it doesn't matter because I was on a spot where I was pretty confident that I would be right at the barrier.

And look, no offense to Saosin lovers out there, but in my opinion, I find it ridiculous that we have Saosin fans right at the front of a queue where Incubus is the main show. I don't think you would pay a good $100++ just to see the opening band play. Funny thing I noticed that I was the only one wearing a freaking Incubus shirt. Like, what the hell right? But no matter. We had Incubus fans at heart just to see their incredible music.

So I have to say I was like around 10-12 people away from people in front. I was later joined by Flint, the guitarist from Bismuth and we joined forces for we knew that we had friends joining us later in the queue while queuing from 11.30am till like around 6.40pm. As we waited, our friends slowly emerged from the abyss of Singapore, like an ant finding home somewhere out there whilst its lost and trying to find its Incubus home back in Fort Canning. (this excludes every single Saosin Fan). In due process whilst waiting, Ain burned a know away from my hair, soon Flint's friend HQ and his girlfriend Inch (sorry if I get the names wrong if you're reading this), joined us and we played Cluedo and the furthest we reached was just setting up the game. Then we played Boggle and then we played Taiti and we gamble and I lost. So I owe Ain money but I managed to burn the boredom away.

At around 5-6, we became a gateway to all our friends friends who wanted to be in front. I have to say, I was disappointed that some people cut the queue just to get in front cause there's a lot of hard work and there should be some courtesy in certain aspects you know? But what the hell... I got to around about 2nd Row on the metal piece of the barrier and I was able to anchor myself around that barrier. I met the other twins (not my cousins) and they recognized me and I recognized them and they touch my hair and I had to anchor to anchor myself behind the darker twin (the one wearing the black shirt) and I was like holding on to the barrier to like stop the crowd from sandwiching me tightly on to the barrier with the darker twin between me and the barrier. I solely apologize if I hurt ya in someway or another but its a gig and things happened. Like people squeezing like as if they think they can go through people and situate themselves in the front.

Saosin was the opening band and I know that Thanesh, my dear buddy, would go through heaven and hell to come to Singapore and watch them and I recognized only one of their songs, so not entirely a fan (okay, not a fan at all, just an avid listener), and I have to honestly say that the opening was quite disappointing. The music was what Saosin would sound like but I could hardly hear the vocals and me, who wants to watch Incubus, is just dying to watch them play so hearing them was like "A Vacant Affair" (pardon the pun but I just can't help it)

And then came Incubus, and it was an epic entrance with Quicksand and watching the whole band play was like breathing on an ecstasy and you can just imagine yourself getting lost in their music and just flying. That opening act was a drug and I absolutely emulate myself in their performance and I would just love to jam like them one of these days. Seeing Brandon do his thing and the field of pedals from Mike. Mike is my new guitar hero. Seeing him work those pedals was like "You can do that Magic?". And seeing DJ Kilmore just over ambitions me to want to play the turntable. Incubus is just like Linkin Park but much better because at least we know that the DJ participates. Ahahaha... You know I love you Linkin Park for you guys are my passport to the world of rock where I left behind my boyband and Aqua days.

And I salute the security for being the best ever! You guys were the nicest and toughest and the best ever and I wish Singaporean Security would stop acting like bouncers because if you want to be bouncers, join a club. Anyway, the security were great in pulling out the shitty people I end up with. I don't understand why I always find myself with tweeny concert virgins who think that just because their younger and probably richer and think that there's such a thing about courtesy in a gig. They were the greatest bunch of security guys ever. They all look like wrestlers by the way. Woohoo!

My back hurts today and I feel like an elephant stepped on my back and did the macarena. So cheers. And let me heal my back.

He emulates Incubus as he got lost in their ecstasy. And then he threw a shoe at an social escort because they were too close to the emulation.

Life On Reset

2008-03-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

I once told a friend of mine that life is sometime like a video game and there's a reset button when you're stuck in a level where you can't get out and progress towards the end.

I'm pushing that reset button right now, and the decision I make is going to be worthwhile as I take a step back and contemplate the direction that I'm taking next towards the life that I truly want. I will get justice over the things that has happened to me one way or another and I will not regret the decision I make.

So breathe and go ahead. Press the reset and you'll just start over from where you'd left off. Its okay. Its not like you're giving up. You're taking things into the perspective and getting it right.

Hit the pause button. Then reset.

The Faces Is Similiar to a Virus

2008-03-01T23:21:00.000-08:00

GOD HELP ME!

For a moment it was the layout! Now its the freaking blogname itself!?
I don't know if any of you are ever going to read this but if you do... I just wish that shit won't pile up against me again and again and again.

I can't wait to quit school and do my NS as soon as I'm done with all the shit that I have to bear. I can stay at home and clean the house and really concentrate on my work on writing instead of being distracted over bloody Technical Theatre Arts. I appreciate the education over the year, really... But I have enough for my career does not lie in design of theater. I'll leave that too everything else that comes my way. The design isn't my career for I can work with just a single spot and a space.

This is going to happen once and only once on this blog and I hope it'll help me feel better.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

There you go! I did it

Cough

2008-02-29T06:41:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day.

I had a picnic in the morning and eventhough the both of us were on the cranky side, we still had fun anyways because we had the whole playground to hog while the primary and secondary school students were stuck in class doing what I did around 3 years ago. And I miss those days.

You just can't help wanting to cling on to those days after you let go of that life. It was good and I still hold remnants by the friends I keep and hold on to whenever they need me.

And I still have a bloody cough that wants to knock my soul out of my body. Well, not literally but it annoys the shaboom booms out of me to keep hacking like as if I got lung cancer. Which kinda concerns me because I have not hacked like this ever since I started smoking. I mean, this is the first time I have experienced such discomforts and irritates me because I'm feeling discomfort from both ends.

Ah well... I'll just do what I can do and just breathe. For now.

He attempted another drag before coughing his soul out and soon enough, he's dancing with the smoke trailing from the cigarette butt.

Illness Gets Better For The Worse

2008-02-25T16:09:00.000-08:00

An update on how much better I feel on this lovely morning. Let's see now.
From the current updates on my knees and entire body, I feel much better due to the fact that I don't ache as much now, or that my knee caps are dislocated and I'm walking on wobbly knees, as I lumber around as if I was a midget on stilts (no offense to midgets who can expertly walk on stilts and not pass off as normal by walking on stilts).

But the better for the worse falls on my poor, poor throat. It hurts to swallow and I woke up this morning feeling as if some leprechaun crawled into my mouth and pasted phlegm along the walls of my esophagus and wind pipe. I kept hacking and blowing out of the nasty stuff and I swear to god, I found blood on my snot last night. Shit.... That cannot be good and I am worried.

I had to skip out on rehearsals because I was in no condition to be in a cold room and concentrate as actors rehearse and act out their final year productions for the school. Me? I'm just bearing with it right now and I hope that I can live through the day without feeling like shit. I've got rehearsals later and a movie screening to attend that would put me through the end of the night.

Please give me the strength today to just live through the day. And I really wanna go out with my girlfriend on one of these days. We are yet to go through a cinematic adventure. I just hope we don't have to re-enact EVERY SINGLE THING from the Dane Cook sketch.

Boy... I'm pooped. and I really want to get more shut eye but with me hacking and blowing snot out, I believe it'll be just as tiring trying to get some sleep.

I hate being sick. Especially when you're alone at home. You gotta do everything yourself and you feel a tad bit lonely. I just hope I can make it through the day.

A leprechaun when up his esophagus and left a magical rainbow there. Problem, his esophagus couldn't take a rainbow so he swallowed a pill. That killed the leprechaun and now he has a bigger problem.

Term Break Into Sweats

2008-02-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

I am at the edge of reason where I can no longer define the blurred line that is what you call Monday. And god damn it, I'm sick and I have this pounding headache as I post this post in this Blog that takes account to my life as it slowly inches on daily cycle towards something. Something.

I just watched the Academy Awards this morning as I got out of my bed because I wasn't able to sleep this fever off and one day, Me and Alexis are going to win something that'll make us and our family proud. Thing is, my win wouldn't be for Singapore for I'll assume that they will all be discouraging and not believing in our dreams, and as soon as that dream comes true, they'll claim it just because I was from that country.

I will hold my pride when I get that award, I will thank those who were discouraging, for if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be there someday.

And I woke up last night feeling like as if a plague has eaten the contents of my knees and brain and burn my eyes with sulfur. Oh! Woe is me!

I want to get better soon. Real soon. For I have a lot of work to do.

So breathe, breathe. I'll be okay. I think.

Breathe.

Upon receiving an Oscar, I thanked those who were discouraging and those who didn't believe in me because your disbelief never got me to where I stand right now. Thank you.

Living With An Afro; Part 2

2008-02-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

As continued from the previous post. There's an update for those who wants to get an Afro for a hairstyle or those who are stuck with one and has not done anything to their hair but grow it.

Young children WILL notice you hair. And the will point at you and they will laugh, embarrassing their parents, and they will scream out on how hilarious your hair is or they will just stare and smile when you make a funny face at them.

It happened to me today. I was on the bus from Clementi to home and there were these two kids just having too much fun on a crowded bus ride (in reference to how these children were, go to zangzangshoot.wordpress.com and check out the "kids on the block", blogpost dated January 28, 2008).

As I was about to alight on my stop, the kids looked at me and started screaming, "He has funny hair! He has funny hair!" while laughing at me and giggling to themselves in their childish ecstasies.
They went on even after we alighted from the stop and they kept on going.

So if you want to have an afro, live with the attention and get use to it, because its not going to stop there for you. You are special, once you have, an afro.

I should right a book. "The adventures of the Singaporean Afro"

The kids on the bus looked at me and giggled, and I made a funny face. I'm the funny that sticks out in the halls.

Living with An Afro

2008-02-18T19:56:00.000-08:00

If you ever want to have an afro, please be prepared to live with the consequences that come by as people watch by, amazed by your fabulous hair.

It's true!

I was on my home last night and me, being the lazy person that I am, decides to catch the fastest bus back home. I did and an old lady was seated behind me among the other passengers in the bus. So I was busy texting my gf when suddenly, during the course of that journey, I felt a hand feeling my hair and scalp. Now, if it was a young lady with long flowing hair, pretty face, beautiful body with delicate hands, I would stay on the bus till she drops off and that would be one hell of a journey.(If the person reading this is my girlfriend, sorry love! This didn't happen last night and I'm just using it as an example)

Instead, I get a wrinkle bag with calloused hands touching my hair and being amused of the magnitude of it. She seem fairly amused by it and so were the rest of the passengers noticing the scene. I on the other hand, had to bear with a hand stuck on to my head and the embarrassment of the whole situation.

So if you want an afro, get ready for the attention. Really...

The old lady on the bus rummaged her hand into my hair and chuckled as I stoned into space. Her rummaging was slightly hypnotic. I almost missed my stop.

Lazy After Thoughts

2008-02-17T19:20:00.000-08:00

It's Monday.

And I have to say that I'm suffering mildly from the Monday Blues, the cool hit of cold wind against your face before you washed your face and brushed your teeth.

I have to say, the endings of last week has been a non directional hit and stop during the course of my life. I felt lost. I couldn't come to classes because I found it a drag and thought creep in asking, what for? why? You were not suppose to be here in the first place. Just get your life through the army heap and then start living.

Sigh... Those thoughts convinced me that that its true. That maybe that is the direction that I'm supposed to be heading in.

Then there's me coming back to past wounds and I hate it when I get lost in my own thoughts and the thing that pops up and contemplates about is what happened in the past. Maybe I've never really healed. Maybe I never did let go and while everybody else have moved on, I never really did.

Ah well... It's a new week.

Valentines was a blast. A costly one in that sense but I'm proud not to have run out of money by Thursday to go out and get a wonderful dinner. And then just hanging out with the prettiest girl that I've ever met (but to readers in general, don't you worry, you're beautiful people too).

And my camera has decided to take a trip on its own and didn't let me know where it has gone to. So I'm left here dumbfounded and before getting pent up, I should calm down before I get a heart attack.

People are reading, have their laptops up with stuff, and me, here, typing down something for the sake of it. In reference to last week's blog, I guess Lady Luck was right about the balance. Financially, I was alright, but I ended up with a bad ending of a week because of me suffering from a mid life crisis that I'm suppose to suffer only in the later years of my adulthood, where I'm fat, balding and I have a kid whose going out with a boy I skeptical about and my career's a bore.

You wonder why you don't get on the road on where you're suppose to head to, so you look farther out into the horizon and realize the possibilities that arise from it. I did that late last night before today started. And it doesn't seem so bad that way.

I left a post it note on the guy's restroom. The note says "Johnny Jones is in love with the girl next door".

My Lover, Lady Luck

2008-02-10T18:43:00.000-08:00

I never trust luck. Base on today's events in the morning, I don't think I could anymore because no matter how good the luck appears to be on, it is after all an imbalance to something greater and it will work in opposites?

What the hell am I talking about?

Here's todays events so far. 8.30am, over the course of my life today, I decided to take things into consideration. Usually, I knew that my pocket money would some how come in late and I'd have to spend whatever cash I have to travel to school because I wouldn't have enough time to fix my ez link card. Unexpectedly today, my pocket money came in on time and nothing was wrong with my traveling means.

And even though I'd be late, I knew I'd stream in with the Monday blues and I'd be in school to catch the classes I'd somehow miss due to my past misfortunes.

Today was somehow to be a too good to be true day. Actually, a too-good-to-be-true day would be me sleeping in with no homework, a clean house and a meal ready but that's just me being preferable. But what the hey, it was still too good to be true.

Then I arrived in school, and there were no classes at all for the morning. And all I needed to do today was to come to school to attend rehearsals and the weekly production meeting and be back home in the evening. All I had was the morning off.

It got me thinking today, Lady Luck is a funny lover. She's like the bastard half sibling slut of the Endless (based on Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics), and she does play around with mere mortals just like her other siblings does on another level. And she doesn't torment people cruelly (well she does at times and drives to suicide but they usually do that in unison with despair and desire) but today, Lady Luck toyed with me like the toy boy that I am to her. She pleasured me with the sweet sex that I'd go euphoric for and suddenly, like a twist of fate, she'd flip me around on all fours and stick a strap on down my ass hole.

Would I enjoy it? I don't know... Was I surprised? Yup... Is my girlfriend and every other person gonna laugh and call me: "Dork!" and "Idiot..."; Yup...

But what the hey... its moments like this that makes me go damn.... what the hell? And... there's a reason why this had to happen to me in the morning.

Its not the Monday Blues I tell ya. It's probably the pre-Tuesday Greens but what they hey. I'd take it like a dose of medicine and snicker cause that's life.

I got on the school bus with breakfast in my belly and I arrived just in time for class. Problem was, the class was empty and the halls were silent. There were no Faces. I tsked! and looked around.
I scraped off the C and L from all the classes and proclaim myself Duke of Ass Hall.

Then I bought myself a Jell-Lolly and went back home before anyone caught me.

Joining The Faces With The Quiz That Everyone Has Once On Their Blog

2008-02-07T08:13:00.000-08:00

Everyone seems to have this.
And when you're bored on the net with games you run out to play and nothing watch on the telly,
you do this while listening to your favorite tunes:

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Megah Laksana Ashari
Birth date: 21st June 1989
Current status: Bored; In a Relationship with Nur Wahidah Bte Abdul Wahid; Needs a shower
Eye colour: Dark brown.
Hair colour: Black.
Righty or Lefty: Right
Zodiac Sign: Gemini/Cancer. Born at 4pm

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE.
Your heritage: Bugis; Indonesian (Dutch)
Your fears: Isolation, Geckos.
Your weaknesses: Lust, Cigarettes, Peer Pressure.
Your perfect pizza: A Pan Pizza with stuffed crusts, Peppers, Onions, Soaked in Mozarella Cheese.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: Where's my glasses? Shit... Morning Wood
Your bedtime: Anytime before 8am.
Your most missed memory: Drinking a round with my favorite cousins. Going to gigs and getting hurt from the chaos and sharing memories from the good old past.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
MacDonald’s or Burger King: Macdonalds
Single or group dates: Single.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas.
Lipton tea or Nestea: Lipton.
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla.
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: Yes.
Curse: Don't stop me.
Take a shower: Yes, I need one now.
Have a crush: I'm in love.
Think you’ve been in love: As of above.
Go to school: Going and I'm wondering why.
Want to get married: Of course
Believe in yourself: I do and I believe in you.
Think you’re a health-freak: I smoke. I don't pop pills, I think I'm pretty healthy.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Drank alcohol: Yup
Gone to the mall: Yup.
Been on stage: Not yet. Gonna be backstage soon enough
Eaten sushi: No.
Dyed your hair: No. I want to but my dad will have me shave bald.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER?
Played a stripping game: Uh... Yes?
Changed who you were to fit in: Sometimes.

LAYER EIGHT
Age you’re hoping to be married: 28.

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye colour: Grey or Blue.
Best hair colour: Red, Brown.
Short or long hair: Long.

LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 minute ago: Playing a game on Facebook.
1 hour ago: Checking out blogs.
4.5 hours ago: Taking my long awaited nap.
1 month ago: Going out with my girlfriend.
1 year ago: Preparing for the Chingay parade.

LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I love: Life.
I feel: Frazzled, Dazed
I hate: hypocrites.
I hide: a secret stash of *something muffled*.
I miss: my mom.
I need: another cigarette and a shower.

LAYER TWELVE: TAG 5 PEOPLE.
NUMBER ONE! ; Anyone who hasn't has this on their blog
NUMBER TWO! ; The person reading this and hasn't had this on their blog
NUMBER THREE! ; Blog Noobs
NUMBER FOUR! ; You if you hadn't done it
NUMBER FIVE! ; Bored People

He finished the survey and wrote down that the earth has a second moon which orbits around the earth once every 700 years. Then the bell rang and he joined the Faces in the Halls.

A Meeting With The Mother

2008-02-06T22:36:00.000-08:00

One of the scariest things that a man does, was to meet the mother of your loved one because at these moments, it hits you that hey, you're not the only one that loves her. Her mother has brought her up for she is her flesh and blood and they've been longer with them than you have been around her so they have a tentative to look out even more and to confront the one person who might put her future at jeopardy.

That was me, yesterday, going up to meet with my girlfriend's mom and confronting her about the past activities that are deemed unacceptable to her. It was an open discussion according to her and it shit the hell out of me when I had to sit down with her mom and uncle and discussing on what direction this relationship should head towards. In her sights (the mother), I am like any other douche bag under the block who just wants fresh pussy but truth of the matter fact is, that was NEVER the intention of this relationship. True, she's 2 years younger but I believe that Wahidah and I overlooked that and truly look at the person that's involve in this relationship, which is me and her.

Nevertheless, she did give me a second chance because truth of the matter fact is, she doesn't know me enough. Its just that my first impression of being a decent guy has been abolished after she learns of our intimacy (which no parents ever want to know about until their children are about to be married). But she still doesn't know if I am capable enough to keep things which is deemed "good clean fun". None the less, I'll just have to steer clear in front of her about all these things. It's going to be difficult because she's keeping a closer tab on me and Wahidah but if we played our cards right, we'll both be able to pull this through and it'll last, for I never want to stop making Wahidah happy.

Irony is, I hung out with my girlfriend and her best friend. We're not too happy about the outcome of it all entirely but the mood lighten up and we just got lost on top off the hills, lost with ourselves and look forward for the better things to come.

We sniffed on the EC and our bodies grew numb, and we were stock in motion, as if time has stopped and somebody hit the pause button. Things went slow forward as we say her best friend roll down the hill.

Date

2008-02-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

And so, I end up having to stay out up all night (well, not exactly all night) and coming home around the corners of midnight and I ended up staying all night doing work which brings me to th post that I'm doing right now.

But the night wasn't in vain at all. In fact, I had a great time going out with my girlfriend on a date. It was nice just to hang out with her again at my favorite place in Singapore. I had to man the information counter to promote the Technical Theatre Arts Course which is ironic because I'm one of the remaining survivors from Theatre Arts Level 1 and I end up having to promote an entirely different course... But schmucks, It's not all that bad, I mean, I had a great experience working on Technical Theatre and I'm doing some work that falls pat into my lap so, it's not entirely that bad.

Time goes by so fast that before I know it, I'll not have anything to do and I won't be doing this line as I await to do my National Service.

Anyway, my girlfriend told me the previous night that she had a shift change from the evening course to the morning shift and she ends around the same time so I decided to meet up with her and spend the evening with her. I didn't figure that I'd spend the whole evening with her and I thought I'd be going home early for a change but what the hell... I love spending time with my girlfriend cause she's great company (and she just got her pay... ~)

So after dinner and dessert, we spent time by the Singapore River, pulling out my camera to take pictures of ourselves and our feet and making occasionally placing our lips with our tongue massaging each other while no one is looking.

And when somebody passes by over, we had to stop and pose like the decent kids that we actually are:

Like the Kampung Kids that we are

We'd occasionally annoy each other

Our shoes don't fit each other

She works magic with the pictures we took. And I look forward to see how great we look after she works her magic

Pretty.

We hid behind the wall that faced the river, and the rich kids wondered where that moaning was coming from.

An Evening To Remember For A Week To Forget

2008-02-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

The week has not been the ideal week at all and I am so glad that the weekend is here.
I mean, I thought this week was going to be a great week because for one, I woke early on Monday and I thought that if I came early that Monday, it'd be a great start to the week and I'd get the ball of the bandwagon rolling from there. Unfortunately, if you revert back to last Monday's post where I was contemplating on why I was awake so early and updated that I couldn't go to class in the morning.

Yeah well, the weeks been pretty much like that ever since and I was sick and tired and I'm so glad that it is finally over, and that I didn't have to miss anything much anymore because there isn't much to miss till next week.

Anyways, the week hasn't been that all bad. In fact, stuff began to pick up on Thursday evening. My dad had an unexpected drop in and toodles session and yakked abit about the house but it didn't bother me that much cause I was used to this and if played well, I got a bit of some some out of him as a bonus for the rest of the week.

But according to the schedule of the week, the love of my life was having a birthday and since she took my breath away during my birthday even before we got together, I had to top it off and celebrate her birthday in a way much better than my previous birthday. It also happened to be our 2nd Monthsary, if there were such a word and one should have for the times spent together and what not.

During my holiday in the motherland, I managed to catch a few British movies and one of them was "Love Actually" starring a whole cast of actors that were too famous for our own good who managed to act in a story that astounds the romantic at heart. However, one scene captured me as I watched it and it just struck me that I want to do that for her when I get back and the 1st of Feb seemed to be the perfect time to do that for her.

So I contemplated what I wanted to write during the week and then prepared my card and the gift that I had in store for her.

On Thursday evening, I went for the event that Wahidah dearest invited me and Zahid to and we attended it like how she would expected it. We did get kind off bored during the event and the food there wasn't as enjoyable as I thought it'd be but somehow, Me and the Best Friend still managed to get ourselves full after eating that buffet crap that was highly disappointing and unappetizing.

After the event, I awaited her to finish up at the cafe and since The Queen kinda but not really forgotten her birthday, we went off to buy her a cake and surprise the birthday girl with a friend celebration. I mean, since we're all out together, we might as well make do with them because she would love to have her friends around to celebrate her birthday with.

I decided to spend an all night-er out with the girlfriend since she'd like to spend the night with me anywhere where we could just chill and hang (and make) out in our own space without having anyone to walk in on us. I missed he perfect timing to present my gift to her earlier back but the moment came around 3am while we chilled out in the empty street soccer court.

I took out my laptop and flashed out the messages of my love and birthday wishes to her as "Golden" by Fall Out Boy played on in the background. Then I gave her my present and the same feeling I had 2 months ago came back and it was euphoric as the wind blew our souls away into each other.

I was a zombie as I came back home, trudging after a hotcakes meal and trying not to fall into the arms of not my lover but some office dude who doesn't need shit from me to ruin his Friday weekend end. My head was pounding and the blood flow stopped on several parts of my body but I made it to my grave which was my bed and room.

I spent the whole day with her again today and we basically hung out, enjoying each other's company, making cookies, having lunch and watching youtube videos. And I'm so happy to see her happy on her birthday.

She closed her eyes and placed a pendant around her neck and I promised her as I did 2 months ago, I would always be there for her.

Middle of Rehearsals

2008-01-30T01:45:00.000-08:00

Ok people... Just so you know what's going on right now...

I'm in the middle of rehearsals as the director does what he does best.
The show is called Clark In Sarajevo and if you want to know what it is, read about Sarajevo and how the Serbians (I think) invaded the city and how it's in such turmoil that it's like Raffles place except with a sniper shooting at you in every window on the high rise buildings.

But the Director is great and fun (hyper too) and the SM is cool. Her name is Herne and she's like so far the best Stage Manager to work with, yet...

Anyways, the both of us are bored which is the reason why I have the time to put up this post in my blog.

Even the stage manager is browsing blogs... hahahahaha...

GOD HELP ME I'M WITHERING IN BOREDOM IN SCHOOL!

Ok... enough's enough...

He watches the actors do what they do and says to himself; hey! I can do this crap too...

6 am For A Change

2008-01-27T14:32:00.000-08:00

Truth be told, I have no idea how or why I'm up so early this morning. And truth be told, I didn't actually wake up at 6am, I woke up at 5.45am to be exact and I rambled along, online doing schmuff and stuff, having random thoughts running like a car on a free way right through my mind with Discovery Travel and Living on about the posh life with rich European businessmen spending their excessive Euros on glamorous women and 22 year old weds to be. And while at that, here's what's running through my mind as I browse through the abyss of the on which I own on certain account without paying because I'm cheap.

This is Alicia after getting a bargain at a shop in Bali.

A picture I took with Rio, we had matching caps.

This is how i probably look like right now.

Wahidah love, Don't ask because you don't want to know.

Yup, that's whats running through my mind and pictures and I absolutely cannot wait to get new glasses for mine now are lopsided and plain irritating. I feel like I'm on space brownies except I'm not particularly high but such as such, high anyway because I'm me and my afro does stuff to me in the middle of the night like... I don't know.

I need to brush my teeth now because it feels like my sink and for those who have been to my house and has seen my sink, you'd know... and the hallmark channel oldies is getting on my nerves. God! Why can't my aunt pick a better channel in the morning?! Like MTV or something. The Simpsons were going great for a moment too.

Ok, ok, I need to brush my teeth. Good morning world.

He woke up with the radio blaring in his ear and a pile of space cakes left uneaten from the previous night. Then he realized that he isn't home and at that moment, he remembered. He broke in, he got high and the naked girl sleeping next to him is probably his girlfriend.

It's 9.07am... correction, 9.11am because I took out toast out of the oven.
Anyways, why aren't I in class attending the production meeting for our show in Feb? Did I want to skip school today? No...

I just can't go to school because my pocket money isn't in and unless I receive it anytime today, I'm stuck at home with no cash and utterly redundant. This keeps reminding me that I NEED to get a job because situations like this are not reliant on Daddy dearest.

So there you go, I'm home, I want to be in school but I can't. Thanks!

Just as he was about to leave, he realized that he was penniless, and no one was at home.
He sighed for he really didn't want to be here but somewhere else.

Silent Nights Into A Lovers Arms

2008-01-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

Based on a true story, as much as you'd like to believe it or not...

It was the perfect Friday for him, of course it would be for him for it was the weekend and nothing speaks better for the weekend other than seeing the apple of his eye and sharing the wonderful sunset with her, for he finds the wonders of the world one of the best things to share with.

Of course, he bounced just so he could get a seat because he couldn't stand standing for at least 12 stations down to his girlfriend's location so he bounced and he slept along the way, listening to the tunes on his laptop and dozing off to Incubus' "Anna Molly" or "Pardon Me".

At the tenth stop, a sudden stop and whistle jump started him from his slumber and realizes he is only two stops away from a perfect end to the week. Shmucks! He wanted to awake from his slumber at the stop, not anytime sooner. Ah wells... It's only two stops, not an eternity so he hops on the adjacent train with sunlight in his eyes and the lowering sun glistening his hair.

He finally arrives at the station, scratching his head and stowing away his Larry away into his bag. He calls her.

She was in the middle of doing something in her room as he treads closer towards her home. He calls and she answers.

There was a dilemma. She has forgotten her keys and there isn't a clue on where she might have left it, and so, he thinks and stream out the options on what he could do for the end. Should he cancel on her? Should he suggest her climbing out of her window and meeting him downstairs?

Or should he risk it? He knew from previous experiences, how going to the other homes was a big risk that he was scared to partake at? But what has he got to lose? She was willing to risk it as well...

So he quietly sneaks up to the 4th floor and knocks on the window. She caught a glimpse of the tip of his hair and cries out hey! He does a double take and smiles. The sight of her was enough to make him smile cause she was pretty. She unlocks the window and he climbs over, stumbling over the window sill and falling into her bed. She tsks! and they fell into each other euphoric, non sensible and deep chit chat like they always do. They relived memories, had a tussle with her pillows as he threw a tantrum and they sneaked back out, so that they could catch the sunset and get dessert for the evenings with compliments from him.

They sneaked back in and enjoyed each other's company. It's not every time that he was over at her place with not much company around to disturb her. So they took the moment and grasp it within their palms and both of their lips as the lock it in bliss of the darkness.

The passion grew deeper as they indulge themselves with themselves and after a moments contemplation of comfort, they decided. Her mom had quite a comfortable bed in the first room and they decided, its not everyday he comes over to spend time with her.

So they did. They got lost with each other and enjoyed their bliss for as long as they needed. Her warm breath against his skin, his touch against her hair and face, her trailing finger on his neck.

After the moments took and the words she said, he had to bid her goodbye before her mother walks in to the both of them, in each other's arms, without much clothing on.

He bids her goodbye and kisses her and thanks her for the wonderful night.

He makes a funny face and winks. He goes home.

And his weekend finally began.

Suffering from the Tuesday Greens.

2008-01-22T00:28:00.000-08:00

You know how people always complain about getting up on the beginning of the week, and then they keep the ball rolling till Friday comes and they go, HURRAH! TONIGHT WE ALL GET LAID! And then, the ball starts all over again when the ball comes to a sudden halt on Sunday night as people slumber from a hangover and dread waking up in the morning, not knowing who the hell the person beside them naked and that you are late for work and that you're wife isn't home yet?

Well... that day for me as of this point for the rest of the school year begins on Tuesday. Well, this Tuesday anyway.
I've been up all night surfing the net, searching for stuff needed for my upcoming sound design crap and at the same time, getting distracted by facebook and etcetteras. So I have to say I'm pretty knocked up last night. Lucky for me, one of my lecturers was out of town so I only had a class today and that was a killer enough as it is. If I had my full classes today, I'd just DIE cause I woke up this morning not knowing where the hell my clothes were and what happened that occurred to me that I woke up in the morning stark naked without reason as such.

Now, at 4.50 p.m, I'm smack in the middle of rehearsal and at the precise moment I wrote this, one of the actors threw something and spits in thin air. Woohoo~ wow... Real interesting. And the director keeps stopping and starting and making sure that his creative direction works so I'm smack in the middle of rehearsal, waiting on his beck and call making sure that whatever works for him will work for him and I like have another 2 hours before I get to knock off and meet my girlfriend.

The evening's the only thing I'm looking forward to right now, so I'm just gonna sit down and watch the guy throw his script around before we get him a real clipboard. Sarajevo is some heavy shit stuff and there's like some heavy shit and funny shit. But it weighs down on you at time.

Got a few minutes now...and I owe a dinner. I just hope I don't wake up naked the following morning.

I watched the senior theater kids prance around screaming something for what not. For what not, I know they do not need coffee. Tuesday Green is a fuzzy, funny disease.

A Week of Treats and Something I Can't Put My Mouth On.

2008-01-20T04:52:00.000-08:00

The weeks been pretty awesome I guess and its been pretty balanced, I must say.
It's close to being ideal in comparison to some of the other weeks I've experienced.

The school week has been a bit monotonous as in, I've been attending classes and doing stuff that I'm suppose to in school and I've learned some pretty cool stuff. And chalk one up on the homework list as I have some stuff that I have to do in school. And with productions beginning, I'm in for a pretty busy week before ahead. I'm hoping to find time for my loved ones at the same time, I have a few birthdays coming up and a whole lot of catching up with people I haven't seen in a long time.
Girlfriend dearest had a pretty shitty day cause her computer crashed on to her (not physically but virtually) and thus, she has lost a few memories in the abyss of deleted stuff and I feel a bit bummed out for not having able to cheer her up over the phone so I decided to loan her my physical music library just so she has something to listen to while getting back stuff that she's lost. If she dropped her purse into the abyss of hell, I'd go to hell and back for her just so she'd get her purse back.

Bottom line is, I'd do anything for her just so I could see my girl smiling, not tearing.

I mysteriously broke my glasses and I have no idea what the cause was for it so I went in for a repair job. Unfortunately, I am unable to repair it for the damage is from the inside so It only means that I have to get new specs. Ah well... It has been sometime since I changed my glasses so I can't wait for my new look i guess...

A HAPPIEST 19th BIRTHDAY TO THE ZAHID!
This is your last year as a teenager and you better enjoy every single moment before it all fades away cause you know you are turning 20 next year and you'll start being in your 20s. Oh My God! We are becoming that old...

Ah well... Convinced my dad to get me to see Incubus so... YAY! I'm so getting in line at 4.00am in the morning on March 7th and I don't care if it is malam jumaat. Get ready Ain! Meet me in outer space!

That's just about it for the week, I hung out, I talked, I listened, I comforted and everything that I need to do just so this week is right.

I scratched my head and looked around. I picked my nose and realized that I'm smack in the middle of the hall as first bell rang.

Existentialism On Prom Night

2008-01-16T08:28:00.000-08:00

Sing me something soft,
sad and delicate,
or loud and out of key,
sing me anything.
We're glad for what we've got,
done with what we've lost,
Our whole lives laid out in front of us.

- Existentialism On Prom Night, Straylight Run

A Family Return To A Broken Home

2008-01-15T08:04:00.000-08:00

One of the most treasured things that come by in my life, is the visit of either one of my parents, and for a short while, you know... Me coming back home feels normal, like there's a mom and a dad to look forward to seeing to and telling them how your day was or how lovely it was to be in love or to tell them how troubled you are by the sheer fact of the stresses of daily life being a college or what's troubling you.

I had that privilege this past week, when my dad popped by again to my surprise and he always does it. In appearances, it might seem that I didn't want him around but matter of fact is I appreciate his presence around the house and I enjoy having him around, even if I'm so caught up in school and work and what not. He's like an anchor I can rely on and believe or not, no matter how many times that I have mentioned of him on the negative side, he was and still is a strong man who faces his troubles with the wisest decisions and all he ever wanted was what's best for his family.

He wants a Legacy, and I'm happy to carry that on into the future despite the hardships and troubles that we have faced together as what our family used to be.

However, there are just some things that you DO NOT mention to me or my sister right in front of me. I do not care what your perception is towards my mother. You do not tell me that my mother neglected me and tell me that she doesn't love me anymore because you are not the only one who misses me most of the time when we are apart and she has gone through perhaps an equal hurt in which still the wound never really heals until all of us are eternally content about where we are and how we all lead our lives.

You do not tell me that my stepfather was the cause of my grandfather's business failure nor bad mouth over everything else that happens on the other side. You told me that you didn't want my mother to meddle with our family (on your terms), so don't be hypocrite and tell me all that bullshit.

That'd hurt me, just so you know but I'll take it in. You might not realize it, but you can never really break away from my mother, your ex-wife, because of the both of us, me and Gadis. We both love and treasure you from the bottom of our hearts and so as long we keep loving the both of you with, there will always be that connection.

I hold my father with high regard and respect and I am proud of my father.

I am proud of both of my parents.

And I just hope that I'd do the both of you proud in the world out there.

I looked through the empty window of my home and I remembered the cheerful family dinners.
I went up to my room and locked the door and I remembered the uncomfortable silence and I felt the wound in my heart that never really healed. I started tearing.

I know they are both happy, for my mother never cries anymore.

Bimba

2008-01-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

This novel I found on my own gold mine. The back of it caught my attention. Here's what it says

Bimba: Back Cover Page

"You have five seconds to open that door or I'm going to shoot. One"

Was this really happening to her?

"Two"

Shit, shit, shit.

"Three"

She checked her reflection in the mirror.

"Four"

She turned the handle and heard the lock un-click.

"Five"

The men stared at her.
She was after all a very sexy girl.

The Pornographer's Poem

2008-01-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

My girlfriend recommended me a novel, entitled "The Pornographer's Poem" and after three straight days reading it, I found it a tickle to the funny bone as it touches on the subject of adolescent sexuality. It seems far fetched but a good read anyways. Here's a hilarious clipping which made me laugh to myself in the middle of my first aid course and made everyone else stared at me.

Extraction from "The Pornographer's Poem" - Page 131-132

10.3
- You made up.

- We made up at the Big Scoop, we had sex on the tracks.

- And what happened after you put it in?

- I pulled it out.

-Then what?

-I put it back in again.

- Then?

- Then I pulled it out, then I put it in, then I pulled it out - et cetera. It's called fucking. C'mon! Do you want a stroke count or something! Jesus Christ! What kind of-

- Okay, okay. Calm down. This is very important. You need to concentrate here because, yes, we need to know exactly hom many you put your penis in and out of Nettie's-

- Oh God, I don't believe this! How the fuck am I to remember how many times I... Well, I'll tell you right now I'll never remember, so you might as well -

- Right, okay. Well, we have you down for twenty strokes -

- Okay, that's enough now. But waht happened as you began to orgasm?

- What kind of question is that?

- It's a question like any other. We want you to think about what was going on in your head.

- I don't think I can put it into words.

- We didn't ask you to. We just want you to think. Just like in the beginning, when we asked you how old you were when you saw your first pornographic movie.

- But I wasn't thinking then, I was still gapping out.

An Application Addiction

2008-01-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

Its the start of the new school year and so far, everything has been pretty cathartic... I mean, I know I haven't done that well at all since last year and fairly speaking, it tires me just to think about the past.

It's a new year and I can't wait for what's to come. I understand that there's a show showing off our technical expertise on February and there's so many to look forward to this year.

But at the moment, I've been spending empty hours on facebook, browsing and adding mindless, senseless and certainly entertaining applications that kinda makes me say hey, I must be a good lover according to the applications and some stuff I couldn't believe at all. I have to admit, it's stupid and silly but it cheers me up when I do it and I go wow... hee... and yeah.

So here I go: wow... hee... yeah....

It's going to be interesting this year and we'll all keep in touch one way or another. Pray that i don't clog my facebook account with this application addiction.

The pin up on the locker said I'm an expert on the Kama Sutra. It also told me I was a pomegranate, foxglove and that I should live in Paris. Huh...

After Class Romance

2008-01-04T08:51:00.001-08:00

Its the 5th of January 2008 and for the most part of the new year, I've spent every chanced I got with my girlfriend, Wahidah and it has been a mixture of satisfaction, surreal and enchanting for the past 4 days.

We've spent our monthsary taking neoprints and just spending time catching up with what've been up during our time apart and we both can agree that sunsets overseas are so much beautiful than the sunsets here in Singapore, and that the both of us have missed each other too much and I quote her, that the moon "provided no consolidation" at all... Well babe, we have each other now in Singapore and we both know that we'll be both pretty busy once we're all back in school so I'm grateful with the time with her and I thank you Wahidah, I enjoyed every moment of it.

Details of what we've been up these past few days are reserved for the both of us to know and up to you, dear readers to pry out of the both of us in a game of truth or dare, but I've never closer to anyone before and that was surreal, enchanting. (If the dear reader is her truly, my lips are locked and my fingers are programmed not to reveal any details unless I'm tortured or telepathically commanded to pour any details, even then... no one would no what we've been up to so no worries there dear)

School starts in a few days and I guess I'm ready. I need to juggle a part time job soon too so I'll have to be ready for that but anyways, I guess, I'm prepared for the new year and whatever it has to dish out at me so I'll take a deep breath and embrace myself to whatever it has to offer.

I Love You Wahidah, always in my mind and heart. *hugs and kisses*

Just as we were about to do our homework, she stole my lips and kissed me on the couch. My heart pounded with joy and hopes that no one walks in on us.

Homecoming From Paradise

2008-01-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year To All!

It's 2008 and I'm so glad to be back home, but I left a piece of me back in the motherland. I left my love for my mom there so she'll always have it there and it broke my heart waving goodbye to my mom at the airport as my sister and I walked to leave for Singapore. I left my love back in Lovina with my aunt and relations and the place itself, for its beauty is not compared to any man made paradise they try to re-create.

Indonesia is the holiday place for me, hands down, wherever my feet will land me next. It kinda brings me to terms that the world is such a beautiful place, where powers that man try to achieve cannot achieve unless they are endowed with divine powers.

I left for Bali on the 23rd of December and as soon as I arrived at the airport, it was a 2 hours drive to Lovina as we have to pass a mountain into the beach resorts. Their mainly old people there going around with much younger people and the residents that reside at that piece of heaven are so nice. Of course, they are constantly selling you stuff, from souveniors to promotions of their bars to food and services, such as massages. Everyone there finds some way to make a means for a living in Indonesia and it runs from everything, even being a fun ride for a toddler to mending umbrellas and shoes. Its amazing how these people try to survive for a couple of rupiahs to survive the day. I'm grateful I'm not in such a life but it is fascinating how people try to live by another day to see the next.

I had christmas there in Lovina and what a way to live. My aunt was right to retire there and its truly simple yet fulfilling living there. There's cheap food and such a beautiful sunset there while munching on a cheap supper, and when the day is done and the night is still young, there's live music and drinks down the road where people get lost in love and ecstasy, where alcohol flows like the river of Babylon.

I admit, I did have a couple of drinks there and it was good but not enough to get drunk and I'm glad I didn't for the company I was with was good enough to get drunk with. I felt alive and watching the waves, I felt all my troubles washed away and I'm ready to face the new year, knowing what to expect and what not to expect. Indulgence in sin with genuine laughter as beauty swept me away and I got lost in ancient architecture where old gods and demons stayed guarding, or perhaps, holding on to a remnant of themselves as outsiders from beyond the seas and skies arrive for a taste of what they had before.

There was friendship, there was family there and now, being back here in Singapore, I know in my heart that I am never alone in my life because everyone, anywhere that I know and love so dearly, have a special place in their hearts for me and I hold them a place in my heart specially for them.

But I got back, just in time to see my loved ones and celebrate my monthsary with Wahidah.

I was so glad to see her again yesterday and I told her everything about Bali and Indonesia for its such a beautiful place where the food comes cheap and the everything else cheaper. I was so happy yesterday and I grew thankful.

I grew thankful, having to meet her at the Fall Out Boy Concert in March 2007. I grew thankful, having her come to all my plays that I did last year and doing things for me that takes my breath away, making me speechless along the way. I grew thankful for the moments we took and fun times we had...

We took neoprints yesterday and the was fun. We thought it was funny too. Oh boy, what a day yesterday was. What a day. :D

Now to get some real rest here before I get back to school. And I pray that its going to be a wonderful year, for all of us

My alarm clock rang, and I realize I woke up a week too early for school.

The Land of Rooftops and Short Stops Where the Sewage Reeks and Everything's Cheap

2007-12-18T06:56:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentleman,

I know I've told that the blog is gonna be empty for like the next three weeks but I'm fortunate enough to land myself in some run down internet cafe where it's msn messenger is ancient and I feel like I'm in an office cubicle in the middle of an urban gray,

This tells me a few things:

1. I am not getting a desk job.
2. I should be appreciative that i still do have an internet connection and a working computer, even though it is small, cramp and i seem to be getting a rash.

Any ways, here's an update on the holiday here in wonderful Bandung. The place, not the pink drink from the can where there's an old man flirting back at ya.

It's been wonderful here so far as I've stayed in this wonderful place. Well, for the person who prefers warm sandy beaches, luxurious luxuries that only money can afford, i must say that this ain't much of a place you could call that but I still love having my holiday here so far. I mean, cheap and great ghetto food from the motherland, cheaper cigarettes and wonderful family around with a channel with great movies, how much more can i ask?

Of course, I have to admit that I am a bit pissed that my blog is fucked due to the fact that the skin is fucked and that I have to change it entirely which means more painstaking work... Aaaargh! So i do have to forgive if it seems like it isn't really faces in the halls as I would have preferred but at least you get to read out this post that I am... posting.

Everything here is Indonesian (what can I expect? everything here is supposed to be Indonesian and it seems that this blog is everything that is relatively English as far as I can expect) It takes quite awhile for me to get use to the language but I'm appreciative of what I can or can't get cause there's a reason for everything...

The food here is as much as I could have hoped for because I don't get mother's cooking back at home unless mother is home so I've been stuffing myself with whatever I can get here... Unfortunately, me and my sister got food poisoning a couple of days ago after eating at some Japanese cook yourself place. My sister thinks its the donuts we've been cramming down but I believe its the mix of seafood and meat we cooked. I know we're not suppose to place meat and seafood together but mummy dearest told us to anyways so I believe it came from there. I defecated and vomited like a sewage leak and felt so terrible but I got better now. Got back my appetite really quickly too... ;)

And I have to admit. I've been a train here in Indonesia, puffing my way through all the fags I could get my hands on. I can't help it, with the government increasing prices of cigarettes back at home and making the fucking expensive every single time, I just have to indulge myself once I'm in the motherland because these deadly cancer stick cost like a dollar a box when the same brand costs 11 times as much. I'm appreciating every nicotine in my body right now and I know I have gotta stop once I get back home.

Mallaika Cahaya Hidayat, the youngest of all my sisters is growing up healthy and well here in Bandung and she is super adorable. She looks like Dora the Explorer and she is really smart because she can memorize stuff really quickly and it gets cuter every time she makes a mistake. Me mom identifies me as AA Megah and its probably what she'll call me when she gets older, her being of Sundanese decent. She's gone nocturnal too so I expect she'll wake by the time I get back home from this place. I love her to bits and I mean literally love her to bits.

I've done a bit of shopping too and Mother dearest is very stringent on the prices of the products that I want to get. No expensive stuff as usual so I make do with the cheap stuff that I can get my hands on. Went to the Spilt Market (Pasar Tumpah) and got my hands on the most ridiculous things that I convinced my mom to get me. A few gifts too for my friends and loved ones at home. Of course, I'm still set on going to Gedebage/Cimol, the biggest, cheapest place to shop for clothes! Its just like Bugis St. except it a million times bigger than that place in Singapore and they have the cheapest stuff there. Hoping to get my hands on a purple jacket and some other stuff I hope to find. My sister got this rad Rolling Stones hoodie and I prepped myself with this rad Incubus shirt for Incubus is coming to Singapore!

Hopefully, I'll be off to Bali after Hari Raya Haji depending on my step dad and the dough cause we might not have enough dough to get there but all hangs in the balance of my step dad. Its both okay and not okay if I don't make it there but I really hope I do make it there because I really want to spend time with my best cousins and mates there. I also want to get drunk after all the bullshit that has happened in school.

I also do miss a whole lot of people while I'm here. I miss my mates that I hang out with every single time I get the chance to, Zahid, Fauziah, Ayuni, Ain. I miss Fifie too cause its been too long since we hang. I especially miss my girl, Wahidah and I can't wait to see her again once I get back home. I do have a few suprises for all of them once I get back home and I can't wait to spend time with all of them before I get back to school. I do have a lot up my sleeves by the time I get back and I'm looking forward to that.

I have one fag left, a whole lot of hopes and a lot to look forward to since my holidays not done yet. I'm gonna enjoy every single minute that I could with it.

I miss you all.

Love from the Motherland, Indonesia.

For Alicia and Thanesh

2007-12-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

They met on a sea where they shared a common bond.
They've come thus far going through something that no money can buy, no trade be made.

It's something that they've found together among the faces, and its something that cannot be broken or torn apart no matter how tensed the sinew is.

I congratulate my cousin, Alicia, and her boyfriend, Thanesh. For all the times we all shared together and how the both of you have made such a great wonderful difference in our lives, through thick and thin, terrible and bad.

Thanesh, you're the brother that any other guy could have hoped for and I'm so glad you have become a part of us. My room and its comforts are always open to you in Singapore.

I look forward to seeing you in paradise... and we all need a long awaited break.

I walked down them halls towards my locker, and they were making out in love's bliss against. I stared, smirked and threw my notebook at them.

This Silly Boy

2007-12-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

This silly boy took off his shirt and went to bed,
This silly boy took a moment and scratched his head,
This silly boy took out a paper heart from his wallet and laid
as he remember the moments he took with her and the words she said.

This silly boy felt the caress of her touch and her breath against his skin,
he hears her whispers and smiles,
and says to himself,

"I have a girlfriend, and her name is Wahidah Bte Abdul Wahid"

Confessions in the Janitor's Closet

2007-12-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

If you hadn't met or contacted me in awhile or have not seen my facebook profile, you might as well read this post and finally learn that yours truly has found himself a girlfriend. (unless of course you are the girlfriend reading this post: Hi love! I know your reading this... *giggles*)

Who is she? She's the spunky, interesting, individual who's gone by the name of Ms. Wahidah.
Such a pretty name ain't it?

How i met her?

It's funny because the chances of me meeting her for the first time was like the umpteenth number you can think of to one. It was at the Fall Out Boy gig this March. The story thus far is that I was supposed to go to the gig with my cousin, Alicia and my sister, Gadis. I had a Young Co. meeting the previous morning and afternoon before I prepare myself for the concert so our timings were not coinciding well with each other. Apparently, my family relations going to the concert couldn't wait to get to the concert so they left me behind to get there early.

I had to make my own way there and i had to say that I was pretty pissed about it cause it felt weird going to a concert on my own. I had to do something to make myself comfortable about it and I know there's bound to be a lot of people out there who might have been on their own, so I went by this idea that if i just made friends while waiting in the cue, I could just keep myself amused and meet up with my cousin and sister in the venue itself.

I don't know why it had to her but it was Wahidah and her friend, Priscilla whom i went up to when i went to the concert. I had a packet of cigarettes and a great hair do. I could have joined the smokers outside or talk up to any other person in that concert hall filled with snotty tweens who have gone passed their freaking bed times. Anyways, I walked up to Wahidah and made friends with her and them telling me that they were gig virgins, i told them to stick to me and i promised them a good time. I hope you guys did.

That was our first meeting. Me and Wahidah kept in touch soon after. We went out, watched movies, had lunch and such. She has watched every show that I've been involved in and that honored me a whole lot. She showed me this beautiful abandon airstrip and it was a piece of heaven that fell off and landed near her place (Lucky...). She has taken my breath away more then once every time I've seen her and I've never had anybody take my breath away like she does.

Come 1st December 2007.

It was my only free day before Urinetown, Lasalle's Musical Theatre show opens so i decided to take the time to go out with her and having the lack of cash at that moment in time, I tried my best not to spend any money at all while going out with her and the only free man's entertainment was to go to the library to read, so we decided to do that and since she's never been to the Jurong Regional, I decided to show her around my neighborhood. We ended up watching Hot Fuzz in the Library because we got bored from the books and the DVD I had was the only free movie that was available.

Here's how I initially wanted Wahidah to be my girlfriend.

I had sketch pads with me on that day, on hopes that i would do one of my final assignments before I officially finish the school year. I had this idea of passing notes because as the good boy that i am *ahem*, we are not suppose to make any noise in the library, and perhaps it'd be interesting if I did popped that question by passing her notes. Seems like a good idea so I thought i went ahead for it. But that idea went on a halt for one reason only.

I forgot to bring any pens or pencils to the library. How dumb is that? I forgot to bring any form of writing material to the library so I couldn't go ahead with that idea. I felt like a total idiot when i realized that. sheesh.

We got to IMM after the library and we head out to the western region of Singapore. We were at Jurong Point, at the Toys 'r' Us and we were checking out the price of a rubik's cube.

Here's how I got her to be my girlfriend.

We got pretty tired from the Saturday crowd and from the looks of it, there is no chance in hell of finding a nice quiet place away from the afternoon shopping spree. Wahidah, being her interesting, adventurous self, found a small alcove on one of the cupboards and we sneaked into that small, tight space, just so we can be away from the crowd. After admitting that we are really kind of but really ridiculous to be in that small alcove and no more words were to be said,

I told her how much I really liked her and that after all the times we've went out, I've fallen for her.
She told me that she felt the same way too.

Then I asked her if she would be my girlfriend.

She was hesitant at first because she was afraid that a relationship would ruin the friendship that the both of us shared before i popped the question.

I told her that I will always be there for her when ever she needs me, regardless of me being a friend of boyfriend, for I am willing to be the best that I could for her.

and as you've guessed, she said yes...

It's weird, ain't it? Interesting it might be but I cannot believe that I asked for a relationship, tucked away from a shopping crowd on a Saturday afternoon in a cupboard/rack at Toys 'r' Us. I could have been more romantic, maybe perhaps at the soft toy section or something but the crowd was too distracting and the moment didn't came on any of those places while i was with her. That moment had to come at that point in time.

But all is well. And I've never been happier after a long time.

I love you Wahidah, and i know you've heard these sweet nothings a number of numerous times but I have never met an individual such as you who is so jolly. sweet and warm. You take my breath away every single time like the sky and I'm grateful, thankful that I have met you and that you are in my life.

I'm going to miss you while you're gone but we'll both look at the same moon every night while we are apart knowing that we are together every time we look up.

I stole her away from the faces and told her in the closet my true feelings. She smiled, I smiled and we got lost together within the faces in the halls.

The Final Bell Before Paradise

2007-12-07T21:13:00.000-08:00

The sands, The sea and family...

I just cannot wait to get myself to my mother land and just kick back and relax after one really hectic roller coaster ride from school. From the transfers of the courses to the demands of getting classes from the classes we lost out to the school productions after the allocations pointed out for us, its just been really, really draining you know?

On top of my school fiasco, my sis' finished with her high school years and is gonna have a new beginning building her future and things in this household has been kinda tensed, especially after my dad had an unexpected drop in since my grandfather had to have his leg cut off. There were conflicts all due to the fact that she disobeyed by not telling my dad or my aunt's that she's gone off to have fun in a chalet.

You know, communication under our situations are very important and its very difficult if someone doesn't talk to each other. It makes things uncomfortable around this place and after a long day working on school productions and coming back to all this bullshit. It isn't healthy for me or my sis cause I believe the both of us need the support of at least a parent or a guardian to watch us over. So it seems right now that we're just looking out for ourselves and have only our friends to give us the support or at least watch over us for the moments we need.

Its depressing when you think about it. Me and my sister, Gadis, being victims of a tragedy that has broken our family and somehow, nothing been done for us. Sure, our parents would probably have a bit more in their pockets and a trickle falls down to our pockets but either way, its not about the money or the livelihood. It's more on an emotional need of having someone present.

I've looked both ways for both my parents and have listened to their stories. So has my aunt who has claimed that she has heard both stories and takes no side, but look and listen to the kids left behind from the after math and decide how deeply involved she's in just by taking care of us. She's here for a reason not to just keep an eye but perhaps provide something but the house i return to every night still feels real empty at times.

I really want both my mother and father to look at the bigger picture and really discuss on how to improve things for the both of us.

I'd give anything in the world to have them back and tell them that i love the both of them and that i really appreciate them at least being there for me.
I'd give anything to get my family back.

But aside from my opinions over the past (i have a feeling I've been complaining a tad bit too much over them both), I am definitely looking forward to going to Indonesia and really kicking it back! After a few days or so in wonderful Bandung, indulging myself in cheap cigarettes and bottled tea with homemade food by mummy dearest, its indulgement of the good times with great company and beautiful sights in BALI!

There's going to be surf and sandy turf, little Kika and her first experience by the sea, (That adorable little fishball is already 1 year old!) and of course cousins and friends such as Shella, Ditto, Sese, Reza, Andra, Genta and much much more! I'm gonna really kick it back with fellas like Alicia, Alexis, Gadis and Thanesh. Man! I am too excited over this blog.

I apologize for not being regular with the posts cause I've been busy semester long and I'll be away for holiday till at least January. I'll most probably be back a day after New Year or so, before the 4th so till then ladies and gentleman, This kid is packing his bags and kicking it back after months of stage and theatre goodness...

I asked for a hall pass just as the final bell rang...

Edward and His Muse

2007-12-05T08:46:00.000-08:00

Another piece that i wrote while being bored in class.

Within the mass of the gray urban jungle, lies a network where it's inhabitants dwell. Not homes, not private cubby holes where the urban's bloodline slumber in the secured safety. The alleys, the cracks of reality is where the gray inhabitant's drift swiftly and free.

The Red Army slink back in their safe dwelling, passing time with moments of peace and nothing. Maxie, the Red Representative, oversees his troops of runaways, abandonments and homeless. Siblings share their meals while lovers serenade each other, giving themselves a glint of an angel's grace. They all would rather be here than anywhere else. Survival and Sanctuary. Two securities that they would ever need to live in a town where society was even worse that the piercing light of Lucifer's chambers.

But even in the safety and slink of the darkness, Maxie knows that its never safe anywhere.

In the alley a few blocks from where the Red Army dwells, a beast of dwells in chains, ravaging in the darkening madness of the alleys, moaning in a mysterious rage. The beast guards its alleys as it was instructed even though no one owns these alleys.

No one is safe.

The moonlight shines a single beam. Edward James pulls his collar and clears his throat. The clink of chains shuffle and shifts through the dirty concrete as he recomposes himself and stands firm on his ground. Lady Luna has her attention towards her performer tonight, Edward James. Edward James takes a deep breath and releases whatever air in his lungs and hums the tunes he made up from his memories. The tune was easy, the tune calmed the alley from it historical turmoil and blue beams illuminate the gray of the alley in which Edward James vigilantly guard.

A single breeze grazes on Edward's cheek. He smiles. Lady Luna enjoyed his serenade of his tragedy and tale of where he dwells, his survival in the cracks of this urban gray.

A glint from Edward's chain caught his eye. The Lady Luna flirts with Edward and he blushes. The Lady Luna was his muse and Edward dreams that one night, he would break from The Gray and unite with his muse.

His one true love.

East Freedom Investigations

2007-10-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

The next few entries that I'll be entering are found after a massive excavation and clean up of a waste called my room.

This one is called East Freedom Investigations - Cancer in the Engine

Darkness. A flash of light. Darkness. A flash of light. Darkness. The Pan Island Expressway allows safe passage through the entire island. It's also the most important vein to run through the sleeping country at this time of the night. A whir of sirens echo through the mysterious night as Mida takes out a cigarette and ligts it in a single flash. The light illuminates the night for a brief four seconds before leaving an orange afterglow behing in the night. Midas knows its going to be a tough night but the pay off meant another three months of rent for his pathetic office and hopefully decent meals for the next few weeks ahead.

"Yeah Midas... You're truly living the life, ain't ya?", Midas mocked. He takes another drag before carrying on towards south, where the Bay lies.

The Bay is always illuminated, even during the dead of the night where a leviathan slumbers before its morning journey. Despite its stillness, the leviathan is alive, keeping the Industrial Engines beating and pumping at its constant rhythm 24 hours a day. It keeps the sleeping country breathing and alive for over at least 46 years. However, within the movement of trade and money, a cancer emerges within the bright lights of the bay. A selfish part of the infrastructure works towards something that puts it at an advantage and puts everything else in some sort of jeapordy.

Midas had a tip off about this flaw. A hypocritical flaw in a sense. He's the reason why Midas is climing a ladder and made his position on top of an industrial container. Midas waits in the shadows created by the skeleton of the Bay.

Young Jackie boy has a sick mother at home and hopes to get her better for the past six months but the job he holds at the Bay is not enough. While working in the yard, Young Jackie boy overheard of underground jobs by his peers of favours that could help pay the medical expenses. Young Jackie boy requested and made a deal.

He arrives at 11.00pm on the dot. Not a second earlier or later. He meets his new employer, Mr. Lucy.

Young Jackie boy attracts Mr. Lucy in a way that makes Young Jackie boy feel awkward, but his Ma is sick and he wants her to get better.

So Young Jackie Boy gets on his knees. It's all filthy but he knows Mr. Lucy likes it and as soon as he gets on the good books, Jackie Boy knows his mother can now live for another few weeks. For Mr. Lucy, life can't get any sweeter than this.

The timing is right and what Midas put in effort has come to this moment.

Unknown from Mr. Lucy, the sweetness runs from. There was a silent click and a scamper on the roof. Probably a cat. Mr. Lucy has been captured in a picture that was should not have existed in the first place.

Slipping through a hole in the fence, Midas clutches on his camera and silently made his way out of the Industrial Engines. Diagnosis of this cancer would is enough for this country to purge it on its own. In a sick way, Midas doesn't want the cancer to stop because without it, Midas probably wouldn't have a business. The art of being in any particular place and any particular time.

It's 3.00 am on Wednesday evening. It's going to be a long walk to town. There's enough fags in his pocket to keep him company.

Robbery

2007-09-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

A man sits on a chair under a spotlight, smoking a cigarette and holds on to a bundle of money in his free hand. He smiles to the audience and giggles before taking another drag on his fag, the smoke wafting in the air before disappearing in the air. He speaks.

Man

You see this cash? All of this? Heh, you wouldn't believe how i got this amount, yet believe how I come to claim this cash I have in my hands.

I will be honest with every single one of you. I am a robber, a thief who takes against one's own will and benefit no one else but myself. However, there come's an art with what I do, a certain skill of manipulating. It is not just people I deceive but I manipulate a series of events and flaws that will somehow lead itself to your benefit. That is your art, your homework on working out how to get it and getting away with it. Armed robberies are a cliche' and it doesn't take much to achieve a mere $175 that I have in my possession right now.

How I got all of this? I'll tell you.

The situation was simple and the key lies in how you make a person forget you and not remember you as the same person who fucked you up in the first place. A simple store manager sees different face every single day and he cannot remember every single one of them unless you're a familiar. The probability of him remembering who the hell you are a lot less than him getting right amount of change so I found opportunity in manipulating the situation.

What do I do? I beat the hell out of him and makes sure he doesn't get the opportunity of him identifying me as his attacker and robber. This eliminates a particular flaw that i counted on in the first place. I foresaw the involvement of witnesses in such a public place but as soon as i made him forget who the hell i was with a simple disguise and get the hell out of there. The events would fall into places and i get shy out with as much cash that i can get out with.

Then a customer comes in.

When a third party comes in, it becomes a game because he was the unpredictable variable that you can't really count on. He would figure out your manipulated situations and suspect that something is wrong. What do I do? What can I possibly steer away from any suspicion that arouses from my manipulation?

Act normal.

He asked me where the drinks and condoms were and I showed him the aisle that showed the drinks and the condom. Another customer comes in starting to browse on the magazines and I shooed him off telling him that this ain't a library. I made transactions, I made smiles. Acting normal was the only way to keep the manipulation from arousing suspicion. I gave myself an alias called Chuck and kept on going for at least 30 minutes. The guy i beat up even came out from his stupor but he was so beat up that he didn't recognize me and i asked him if he was alright. Everything was going well and i landed myself $175 in total.

Of course, I forgot about the security cameras around the shop. I got caught and now hear I am, waiting for the slammer for armed robbery, but still, it wasn't about the attack of the clerk or the smart tactics that ran through my head as I steered head long into this venture. Its all in the art of a thief and the art of manipulation of a certain series of events.

Black out

Bad Alternate Years

2007-09-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know how'd you see this post but this is what I somewhat believe of the course that my life runs in the years that come and past.

Eversince the divorce that forever changed my life, I noticed a pattern that runs through till this day (or this year). Every alternate year that occurs in my life, something really bad happens and it gets me down to the real dumps that it gets me down into a real depression that I somehow cannot break away from. Say since my secondary 2 year, the year just doesn't seem right and I was down, really down and i just can't break away from the fact that something's bringing me down.

Secondary 4, it was my o level year and despite me trying to rise up from that deep, dark black down that is this depression, i just can't seem to pick myself up that well. I had a break up on that year. Something that torn me apart and placed me in places that seem unsteady and unsure.

This year is at this moment in time. My course got fucked, like according to the 2nd post that you'd have read previously. I misplaced my wallet that cramped my in my situation as of right now. My laptop has broken down twice and now, is suffering from a very old virus. Things have been piling up my back with decisions and unfortunates that sometimes I really wanna break down and just crumble.

I can get through all this, I know I can. Only one thing just brings me down everytime I try to get through it. My family or really, my parents to be in fact.

Every single time I push and penetrate through this weight, I always look out and reach out my hand for help but no one's there to grab me in time. I have to be honest, I am jealous of my friends who still have my parents to look forward to every single time they go home. I am angry every single time ANY of my friends despise or hate their parents because they have no idea how fortunate they are to still have them supporting them and being in their lives before they start a new one independant. I don't have that previlige. I have to go through a cycle where I am dependant on the resources that I can grasp on from my father or mother. In addition to that, I yearn for their love and affection due to the distances that is between us.

I sometimes think that the decision for divorce was a selfish one, one that was meant to tear up someting from me and Gadis all for the sake of being happy. But when I think about it, maybe it would have been worse if both my parents stuck together 4 years ago. I sometimes take it in and accept the decision that my parents make because this was for their happiness in the end and if they were happy, i'm sure they yearn to make the victims of this situation happy to and compromise the situation where all of us can still be comfortable.

But every alternate year, I can't see this working at all. That the sacrifice that I made for them doesn't seem worth it because every single time I come back home, I'm alone. Everytime I come back home, its just me and my sister trying to struggle through times that I believe my parents need to be around. But they aren't, are they?

It just doesn't seem right when i think about it. But during this holy month, there's a reason for everything that happens. There's a strive, to suck it up and pick your self up and move on and make up with life because it will bound to be much better and I pray with whatever prayer i make every single day that it will turn out to be much better than before.

I'll pray, and I'll pick it up and move on.

There was too much homework today and I crumbled near the water fountain. None of the faces stopped to help pick me up.

Patch Of Field

2007-09-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Two people sits on a grass patch. They don't know what they're doing there. All they know that they are there at that particular moment in time and space. That's all there is to it.

Person 1

What's the point of this field?

Person 2

I don't know... Art's sake? Because we can afford it? Because this is the only liberty that the school is able to offer us after all the bull that's been spouting these recent weeks?

Person 1

Or maybe there's no point at all to this field... What do you think?

Person 2

I don't know... I don't really enjoy this field.

Person 1

You don't?

Person 2

I don't...The grass is not made of plastic and its sticks up in my ass. It feels like I'm lying in a scrunchy.

Person 1

But still, it's nice to have a field to lie on. It's the nice that counts right?

Person 2

This nice isn't real.

Person 1

But it's still nice.

Sister In Indonesia

2007-09-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

Mallaika Cahaya Hidayat, The Cute One From Indonesia (for now, we call her Dora the Explorer... *giggles*)

Sisters

2007-09-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

Gadis Mutiara Ashari, Oldest and Biological
Manja Ayu Ashari, Similiar Afro
Cinta Murni Ashari, Love Child
Malissa, The Third Oldest
Molly, In Transition

Manis Baiduri, Bitter Sweet and Adorable

In Search For A Meaning Within The Halls

2007-09-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

Its been 2 days since all Muslims around the world begin their fast and I find this one month of fasting an opportunity to soul search with something greater closer within you after all this time... I find this an opportunity to look back in my life and discover the kinks that and cogs that makes it what it is right now.

It all began really 4 years ago, when I was 14. It's been over a year since my beloved uncle passed on and things have never really been quite the same since. I knew something was wrong within the household. I don't see my dad that often around this period and my mom always seem so sad. There was this strain in the household. Something was not just right about it.

Then it happened, my mother broke it in front of me and my sister that the inevitable has happened and my parents were finally getting seperated. Who would have thought that something like this would happen to me but it did and i had to live with it right? Suck up to it and let it go with the flow of the things that's been happening.

Those 4 years went by with good times with good company, bad times with worst company and I saw the crossroads that would have determined where i would have ended up in with me holding on to the choices that I had. I would have ended up like one of the drifters, lost and dwindling in life or working towards what i really am passionate about. I made my decisions and choices and I'm glad for where i am right now.

But for the things that i wasn't able to change. My parents, my school with its courses, just the stuff that i can't change within my power in the world. There's a reason why all of this happening right? There's always a reason why stuff happens. For the short or long run. And within this month, i'll get a clear view on why things happens.

So for the moment, i'll just fast, pray and focus in getting much closer to that reason one day at a time.

I watched the halls empty and there was only me in the hollow silence. I didn't have a hall pass.

Past Romance

2007-09-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

A young boy and girl meets at a wall a few metres away from the field. At eye contact, they smile and sits back to back, feeling each other's prescence. They keep quiet for a few minutes. The boy speaks.

Boy
I have to be honest with you

Girl
Yeah?

Boy
I wish that we could stay like this forever because everytime i'm with you, i feel like free away from everything else, and i'm always happy but i know, that we can never stay like this forever.

Girl
Yes we can, we'll stick together no matter where we are or we can go to the same school and i'll wait for you while you're in the army. I'll work towards our future together and when you're out with a job, we can get a nice house somewhere and live together. Wouldn't that be nice?

Boy
Yes, it is nice. But its not going to happen.

Girl
(suspicious) Is this a breakup? Are you breaking up with me?

Boy
(smiles) No, listen. I'm not breaking up with you. I just want to be honest with you.

Girl
I don't understand, how is this being honest with me. (Turns to face Boy) If you want a break up with me you can just say so right now in front of my face.

Boy
All i'm saying that this moment that we share right now isn't going to last forever. You know that and I know that.

Girl
What? Things aren't going to go according to plan? That we're going to go our seperate ways as soon as we finish school?

Boy
No, you're going to go to Singapore Polytechnic, do a diploma in Bio Technoloy, slowly working your way up in the ranks of the hospital and you'll be a renowned as one of the leading surgeons in the country. Sure, you'll experience the same drama that we see in cable television but you'll find a dashing man with the perfect career. He'll sweep you off your feet and get you head over heels, and on a full moon by the riverside, he'll kneel down and present you with a beautiful and your hand in marriage, and you'll live a content life, having achieved the perfect road paved towards the perfect life.

Girl
And you?

Boy
(snickers) Me? heh... I'll be going of to Republic Polytechnic, taking in New Media and hoping to work toward changing the media world and as soon i'm done with that, I'll work towards changing the media world and in hopes of making my dream come true, making me an award winning filmmaker. I'll be going off into the army and once i'm out, I'll have difficulty finding a job and I'll be working from dead end job to another dead end job. My parents would complain that i'm an aging bachelor so i'll get married to someone not as perfect as you but i'll give her all the love that I can give as a faithful husband. I'll have three children and I'll probably die by 50 due to a heart attack or a stroke.

Girl
Why does it seem that my life would turn out to be so much better than yours?

Boy
It could happen couldn't it? And it could always happen the other way around.

Girl
What's your point?

Boy
One day, we'll both cross paths somewhere in our lives, where you'll be at a point where you'll begin your life anew with that wonderful person and I'll be carrying my first baby in my arms, not believing that I'm finally a father. We'll look at each other and we'll know, at this moment in our past lives, I loved you with all my heart and you loved me.

Blackout

Last Bell Till A Few Months Later

2007-09-09T10:26:00.000-07:00

I just hate it when its the final hours before some of your beloved company who cheered you up over the weekend has to leave and get back to their lives... but its an unfortunate thing that some stuff just has to come to an end for the time being and that makes you love these people even more.

My cousins came since last Thursday, a few days before the "Funeral For A Friend" event plays here in the lovely island of Singapore. It seems that this area of the region has been a great venue for some of the best acts out there and we can only expect more to come our way. Anyways, its been a shitty week since the last post mentioned and I've been drugging myself with more nicotine than I normally consume here in Singapore (discounting the train that I usually become when I'm in Indonesia) but I've grown to become a whole lot more euphoric over the past couple of days and has finally rebounded to a Spongebob level where I am ready for school... i hope.

But Alicia, Alexis, Thanesh and Vinnie has been a godsend to come down here cause I always clear my mind and have fun whenever they are around... My room becomes more of a mess of course but thats okay because its not everyday that i enjoy good old teenage mess before i resume my somewhat monotonous life in the fritz of an Arts College whom you don't really believe in anymore... I'll be spending my last few waking hours with them and I will probably be feeling really tired in school but that's okay... Just have to repair my laptop at the hp headquarters and get on with life...

I love you Alicia, you have been my one half which has been wild, emotional, fun and down to earth with hopes of getting married. Don't know which one of us is going to be the first one to tie the not with the old ball and chain but either way, we're all going to be happy and loved by our families.

I love you Alexis, you have been the other half which is funny, steadfast, rooted and not brought down from all the mean comments we frequently make. You'll be that side where we can always be mature and we can make it through any problems that we face out there in the world.

I love you Thanesh because you have been like a brother to me here and you are too much of a nice guy that you almost give me diabetes. I still can't get Vanessa Hudgens out of my head and i can't wait to spend more time with you and Vinnie in the concerts. You guys are living four leave clovers when it comes to gigs and i hope to rub that flair out of you guys.

I love you Gadis, because you are my only biological sister that i have, and i'd probably know how you feel about what has happened over the past 5 years and I'l tell you that I will always be there for you, whenever you need me for whatever... I truly love you, and no other sister no matter how cute or adorable, would have that love...

I love you guys. You guys are the best people to be around with and i pray everyday that nothing ever changes that bond we all share.

Till Linkin Park and Bali... I bid you all the best.

Almost A Victim From A System

2007-09-06T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've always looked up at Lasalle because of their reputation and prestige, I always thought they were the preferable better Arts school to go to rather than our rival schools... but to have them screw me in the ass after four weeks of me beginning to build my career... that's much more worse than a fucking divorce that breaks your heart! That's worse than failing a fucking exam or whatever you think that makes you feel raped...

Here's the story.

Four weeks into the school year, after learning that we have only four college students attending this course without the school (whether it be admin or whatever) realising that there was only FOUR attending this class, and the four of us thought that a small class like this is alright because we'd have an intense education and we'd be benefitting a whole lot more and one of our lecturers announced that the course might be dissolved and we'd be merged to another course we did not choose in the first place.

Okay, you know, maybe after perhaps a bit of negotiations and talking, perhaps we could come to a compromise where we would still be in the course except for a few classes where we it is possible to merge with but no, by Friday the 31st of August, probabilities was that we WILL be in that merger.

By Monday, 3rd September, bottom line is the course is closed and we will have to merge with the other course that I did not choose in the first place.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!????

And in the course I transferred into, that'd be supplemantary classes and master classes that would make up for the course that has been dissolved in the first place...

Why the hell would i want to focuse on a course that i didn't opt for in the first place and have additional work for a course that has been unfairly taken away due the circumstances...
You could say its life, you could say that "hey, life has its bumps and you just crashed into the fucking traffic light because the light turned green and red at the same time... That's okay... just get a tow truck and tow away that car and move on with your life..."

I've been man handled in this retrospective because they didn't tell us about this before the year started... they didn't compromise in a sense that is fair to me and to the other unfortunate three classmates out there...

I have a case here... I could sue and get a compensation, i could be a student activist and rally a strike to them bastards in school and ask their admin to wake the fuck up and take care of the students... But what should i really do now?

I could suck it up, go with the flow and take the fucking alternative and follow on mu life's plan, i could take a year's break, work for the SRT till the end of the year and wait till the new year opens up that course again. I've got time to read and what not... That's cool right?
I'm not happy though... They fucked me in the ass like this for the year and now, my life's plan has this crinkle... God!

Lasalle's Admin has issues... You can throw the blame on whoever who fucked this situation up but the point is, You did not handle the situation well and compromise a decision that is acceptable with both students and lecturers... Be more efficient, be more sensitive and stop thinking about your own image... You did not handle this well and i would not be suprised if this will happen again... Keep this up and hell, the new campus would just be another empty, rhetorical artifact of administrative shame...

If anyone out there feels the same way, we need a change and we need it now before any aspired lasalle students fall victim to this fucking problem...

I care well enough so that nobody else experience this... Change is needed NOW!

First Post

2007-09-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe it. I finally have a blog!

After being an exile from the internet for almost 4 years, I finally am almost back to the pop genre that is the internet and what normal netizens do anyway. Just recently, I mostly fill up my time with just playing neopets (that's my confession [usher style!]) but right now, i finally find something that i can pour out whatever's in my mind... Let it be ideas for my works, funny occurances that happened in my interesting life or concerncs that i have on certain subjects...

Read this on your own will and risk and be open about the judgements, whoever who comes across this... Unity works when both sides take a deep breath and looks each other respectfully in the eye...

I believe in you because i care... Doesn't matter who you are that i come across in the halls...
Slam shut and chin up...